| No Way Out |
[08 Nov 2009|08:06pm] |
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No Way Out - Phil Collins from the Brother Bear Soundtrack |
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..."Of this dark place, no hope no future. I know I can't be free." - Phil Collins, Brother Bear Soundtrack.
Last Tuesday, November 3, 2009; an Intermediate Algebra day on my school schedule; Monday and Wednesdays are Astronomy, Tuesdays and Thursdays Intermediate Algebra and Wednesday nights, Interpersonal Communications. He might as well have taken each of us and cold bloodily shot us though the head. That would have been what happened, except it was class statuses instead of a gun. I already knew I had to be in a low zone, there was no need to rub my face in it. Wasn't it enough that we were being given back the second test of the class we took the previous Thursday? That stuff was pretty easy, I knew it pretty well. I don't understand 99/208. Why out of 208? I have never taken a test(besides district tests in high school) worth more than 100. That had to be a lot of it. 99 was a good number otherwise. As if that didn't hurt enough I am in danger. My only hope at this point for passing the class is a passing score on the final.
"I'd do anything within my power, I'd give everything I've got, but the path I seek is hidden from me now." - Also Phil Collins Brother Bear Soundtrack.
I am trapped, I need help but I don't know where to go. There was this nice guy, son of my mom's friend. He tutored me last year, it was great. But it was the wrong class, I need him now. Problem is, I don't think he's available anymore, and I can not find out through my mom because she can't know I am flunking.
So what other path do I have? I was blessed with a family full of math dunces *sarcasm*.
This would account for my lack of activity here. I have images I want to draw, I want to get back to practicing, and get back to writing Siren, but things at school are just getting more packed and more of a struggle to keep up with. I also have two papers due in Communications,the class that always ends up in the shadows will need to be lit now; one is for December 2, and the other and essay really, December 16, the final day.
I wanted to again apologize not that I have a whole lot of visitors being the least of DA's great artists.
May the good Holy Father please help me.
*sigh* oh in the meantime I have this for you to enjoy, I just made it a few weeks ago after a long while of not doing anything really on Photoshop.
Kiss From a Rose by Seal.
My Deviantart also has some wallpapers I put together as my last few photoshop projects before this.
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| Progress |
[17 Jul 2009|11:35pm] |
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Hello, this is just a progress report to let you know the status of my work. Lately most of my art has gone into my Deviantart account, I have a friend I can almost never see anywhere else over there and he convinced me to return after a long absence from it. So I have some recent photoshop pieces and a new thing I am trying, some Twilight Drawings up over there. The link should be in my profile. I forget if I removed it when I left so I will check and restore it if I have.
Here is one drawing sample just because I feel like posting at least one of them here. This is so far the most recent one.
Clearly I am no good, but I am trying to change that, it's always been a goal of mine to be able to produce amazing drawings just from my mind, no need for movie images or pictures, just purely my imagination.
Also I have lately been bombarded with story ideas and hanging out with friends a lot more since its the summer and my best friend has graduated and is home for good. I HAVE A LIFE NOW! So as for Siren, please be patient, I am doing my best.
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| Bring Me to Life, slight revision |
[06 Jul 2009|12:28am] |
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Hello, ok so I kept thinking back on my ending to my Edward Prelude story "Bring Me to Life" and it just bugged me so I had to fix it. So The second to last paragraph describing the years passing and the Cullens coming together has like two lines of addition to the beginning, and the entire last paragraph has been completely re-written. I like this much better. I put the revisions into the original entry here, replacing the old writing:
http://thewolfsmoon.livejournal.com/6184.html
Now I need to see if I am allowed to edit it on Fanfic.net...and I am going to need to request my password over there *sigh* Oy. Hence "I kept thinking back". :P
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| Saving Me |
[27 May 2009|04:03pm] |
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Saving Me by Nickleback |
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I am in love with this siggy I made last night. I was listening to the Nickleback song Saving Me and all of a sudden it sounded very Edward. :)
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| Siren- Chapter 3: Pandora's Box Part 2 |
[15 May 2009|10:56pm] |
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~ Meeting the famous Chief Swan for the first time was an interesting experience. Not a very emotional guy, by the way he spoke he seemed freaking bored or something. But that was just what was on the outside; you could easily tell when he had his daughter on his mind, his eyes the same gold as hers swam with compassion, and in this case concern and fear. Initially I had been pissed off at him for involving Esme in this cry of wolf. After what she has been through she didn’t need the panic attack when there was nothing for her to worry about. And when I brought up Bella’s role in the accident he didn’t seem to care, in fact I could swear he wanted to get rid of the subject. He knew; something was up with this whole family. A few minutes before I had seen Bella having one of her family’s freaky inaudible conversations with him a few feet away, and I wondered if she had told him about the way I had spoken to her earlier. My mind was a mess, I was so confused, dumbfounded, and in shock. I knew what I had seen and have been seeing since I met her and she was trying to mess with me, make me feel like I was mental or something and that just made me mad. It didn’t give me the right to have been so demanding or rude though. She didn’t deserve that, after all she had saved my life. I felt like a total ass. And what if she was right, what if I was going mental? It kind of freaked me out. I don’t know what would have set it off, perhaps stress, but I suddenly there was something in me that felt like maybe I was losing touch with reality. Part of me was anxious to get to the hospital and get my head examined, Carlisle would know for sure if there was something wrong with my brain he would assure me. I was frustrated now and anxious to get this shit over with, I couldn’t believe she had told the nurse Brett Werner that I had a damn concussion; what the hell was she trying to do? Bella was so easily able to refuse her treatment and stretcher, she probably got to Brett the way she got to all the guys in the school…I mean even the damn biology teacher! I couldn’t honestly say that I didn’t know how they felt, how she was so fascinating and beautiful but I still felt like an idiot. I felt like dying of humiliation when they put me in the neck brace. I shot her a cold look to let her know that she’d pissed me off; I wanted to show her that messing with me was not going to work, to trap her in a corner. But then I saw her jaw slightly fall, her face shaded it seemed with sadness and shock at the same time, and wanted to slam my head into the wall of the ambulance and give myself a real concussion. I wanted to tell her that I was sorry, ‘really’ sorry for being so rude and not respecting her; I really had no right to pry but I wanted to know. And I wanted to reach out and try again to run my fingers down her porcelain cheek. That look on her face when my eyes shot daggers at her, I hated it. Chief Swan provided the ambulance with a police escort to the hospital, and during the ride I kept replaying the accident in my head repeatedly, particularly focusing on her little hand and foot pressing into the side of the van like it was tin foil; the exact shape of her shoulder carved into the medal. How in the name of all that was holy did that little china doll brace herself against the van with so much force? I tried to find it humanly possible because after he was so happy to have me here I would prefer not to have to tell my father that he might have to put his own son in a mental hospital, but it just wasn’t. Adrenaline rush, my ass! Strapped to that stupid stretcher I felt like I was already in a mental hospital as they unloaded me onto a bed in the emergency room while Bella floated through the hospital doors as if she ruled like a goddess. I gritted my teeth together, and clenched my hand into a fist. Carlisle burst anxiously in as a nurse strapped a pressure cuff around my wrist and stuck a thermometer under my tongue. “Edward, thank God.” He sighed and hugged me. “I thought I would go crazy when I heard my own son’s name in the emergency call.” I pat his back reassuringly. “Sorry dad, I’m fine.” “I’ll get you into X-ray as soon as I can.” He left shortly after accompanied by the nurse who had finished her examination on me, and I ripped off the stupid neck brace that I had no idea why I was even wearing and threw it under the bed. A small stream of hospital personnel entered the room then and unloaded Tyler Crowley with his head wrapped in bloodstained bandages onto the bed next to me. Man he looked like crap, definitely worse off than me, yet somehow he stared at me anxiously as if I were the one covered in blood. “Is your vision impaired Crowley? I’m not lying underneath a sheet on a bed with an ID tag on my toe.” “Dude so not funny, you probably should be. I’m so sorry!” I sighed and held a hand up. “No blood, no foul.” I said. “You should apologize to yourself you look awful.” I chuckled at my own remark trying to lighten the mood after that last comment which I guess he was right about. I probably shouldn’t have said that. I hoped that expression would wipe off his face as nurses began to unravel the bandages from his head; revealing that his forehead and left cheek were all sliced up. Unfortunately he completely ignored my joke. “What’s wrong with you man? I thought I was going to kill you! I was going too fast and just lost control on the ice…” the nurse interrupted him by dabbing his face causing him to wince. “Just forget it” I told him. “Bella got me out of the way. I’m fine.” “Bella? Bella Swan? Really, geeze I didn’t even see her with you. Is she ok? I didn’t clip her angel wings did I?” I had to smile slightly I could see clearly angel wings on her, smooth and silk like her complexion. In all seriousness though Tyler Crowley had just become my best friend, I had a witness. I hadn’t been the only one after all who had noticed that Bella had been nowhere near me.
“I knew it!” I breathed. “Oh Edward!” Esme gasped charging into the room, with her hand to her heart in relief; she squeezed my shoulders. “I heard the word accident and… I thought I was going to have a heart attack…” I imagined her remembering her newborn son, watching him die. She never got to know him, and now she is just barely getting to know me. I gave her a hug to let her know that I understood so she didn’t need to finish and force herself to think about it. “I’m fine; just forget about it. I’m sorry; you didn’t even need to know.” “Don’t say that, you could have been killed!” she argued anxiously and kissed my cheek correctly interpreting my hug as permission to show affection back. “I wasn’t.” She nodded with a smile. “The lord was with us today.” She agreed stroking my hair just the way Elizabeth did to relax me to sleep as a child. I was finally hauled off to have my head X-rayed then; I didn’t tell them about my concern I didn’t need the whole damn hospital to know. Things seemed to spread around this town fast and Carlisle didn’t need the negativity tainting his honored and respected image. I would hate to think of an epidemic such as the Spanish flu outbreak of 1918 hitting this place, if just gossip can go around so quickly. If disease spread like the news did here, I could imagine this whole town being wiped out in a week, maybe even less than that. I was found to have no damage, not even a concussion. No surprise there; although I got a headache once back in the ER from Tyler’s bombardment of apologies and promises to make it up to me. Esme went off to find Carlisle when I was taken to radiology, she hadn’t seen him yet since arriving and wanted to assure him that I was alright. I asked the nurse for an aspirin which I slid easily down my throat. I gave up on trying to shut Tyler up and closed my eyes, trying to block him out when I heard that song voice: “Is he asleep?” My eyes popped open on their own and there she was at the foot of my bed like one of those near death experience moments on the operating table. The ones you hear about or read about in spiritual shows and books where someone swears they saw an angel. I kept a straight face, finding it difficult to glare at her when I wanted to fawn. Of course her presence was what finally silenced Tyler, from the moment she wafted in, he just sat there staring. I wondered if she noticed, and if it made her uncomfortable. “Um Bella…I’m so sorry…” he sputtered “Don’t worry about it.” she chimed in quickly but kindly. She seemed a little impatient, was she still sore with me? She sat on the edge of my bed with a sigh and lifted her eyebrow in curiosity. “So what’s the damage?” she asked. “None I’m fine, no concussion.” I reported; I still was not convinced that I wasn’t mental. When she spoke next she brought her voice down low. “You know I couldn’t believe the way you talked to me in the parking lot. I knew you were stubborn as a mule but you didn’t have to act like a jackass!” What the...where had she come up with that? I actually had to choke back a laugh; it was amusing seeing the attitude coming out of this little china doll. “I know I feel badly I’m sorry. I know you’ve been lying to me, and it’s very frustrating, but that’s no excuse.” I told her in a matching low voice. “Ok but you are mistaken. I was standing right next to you. You hit your head you were disoriented.” “Nice try. And I have a witness, Tyler didn’t see you either. We should both be in body bags right now, but somehow you shoved that damn van away and left dents in it!” “Have you not noticed that I am small person? You seriously think I could lift a van? No one can do that! As for Tyler; he was otherwise occupied trying to regain control of his van. I am afraid you have no reliable witnesses.” She was good, she did have a small and very fragile looking figure which is why this whole thing was so freaking insane. “Why does it matter so much to you? I mean you haven’t even thanked me yet. And to think I came to spring you.” That was true; I had been so freaked out over this inhuman phenomenon it never registered properly in my mind that she had saved my life even if it was a mystery how. I felt rude for that. “Thank you.” I told her gently. “You’re welcome, just let it go ok? No one is going to buy it anyway.” “I never said I would tell anyone. But if I am going to lie for you I think I have the right to know why.” “Well sorry but you’ll just have to continue basking in your disappointment.” Finally Carlisle appeared with a satisfied smile on his face. “How are you feeling son?” “Fine dad.” “You’re X-rays look good, how about your head? Bella said you took quite a spill; any headaches?” “No, the nurse gave me an aspirin. Are you sure you don’t want to examine my brain for mental damage or something?” He looked at me curiously and cocked his head. “Mental damage? Is something wrong Edward? Why would you think you have mental damage?” I kept my eyes away from Bella so that I wouldn’t glare at her…or drool like an idiot in front of my father. I shrugged. “Just wondering.” He traced his fingers along my skull until he came to a certain area and I winced. “Tender?” “I’ve had worse.” I simply spoke a horrifying truth; when I was eight my mom was hit by a woman on her damn cell phone behind the wheel turning the car on its side and sending both of us to the hospital for a week. She fractured an upper rib, and was treated for a partial collapsed lung. She had a bruise and glass slices on her head from falling with the car to the side against her window. She still suffers from some short term memory loss to this day. She’d had a panic attack when she was told of my condition. I broke my arm and cracked my head open. I was in a coma for almost a week; the doctors weren’t sure I would live. Elizabeth’s bed might as well have been given to another patient; she spent most of the time at my bedside trying to wake me up. She stroked my hair like she was putting my to sleep; I think she purposely had to make herself believe that was what she was doing to keep herself together. I remember feeling her kisses on my cheeks and my forehead, and hearing her voice humming in my ear and calling me back. They say it was her voice saved my life. I ended up miraculously suffering only minor brain damage, so I just spoke with a slur for a couple of years. I supposed I could have used this as an excuse for the mental check; I hadn’t considered that before maybe some damage hung around, and was triggered when I hit my head today. But I wasn’t going to speak that elaboration aloud to Carlisle. “Esme is out in the lobby why don’t you go ahead and go home with her. She has my office number, call me and have her bring you back if you experience dizziness or trouble with your eyesight at all.” “Why can’t I go back to school?” “I would rather you took it easy today. I noticed a fracture scar in your X-ray and I looked it up in your medical history. I am sure I am overreacting being that I am relearning the father thing; I suppose I shouldn’t have gotten the details from your mom. I’m afraid I am still a little shaken.” Oh geeze! Of course he could go into my medical records, idiot! “You called mom!?” I couldn’t help snapping, for that second my stupid emotions ignored the look on his face that killed me. I could almost hear him thinking ‘Would I have known?’ As if things weren’t uncomfortable enough, Bella was looking at me like the subject creeped her out. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have put her through that…again.” Carlisle said. “You’ll need to talk to her yourself now, she wanted to hear your voice.” “I’m going to school.” I declared, getting up from the bed which sent a chill through my face and blurred my vision for a split second. I stumbled into Carlisle’s arms. “Edward please.” He sighed. “What about her?” I asked gesturing towards Bella. “Well someone’s got to let everyone know that we’re alive.” She replied. “Actually ironically I believe the entire school is in the lobby, you seem to know how to attract attention and pretty quickly.” Carlisle chuckled, and she freaking laughed. Bella Swan laughed! What in God’s name was that about!? “Crap!” “You can stay if you want?” “No thanks.” I took off down the long room almost unaware that Bella was behind me, she was so quiet. She got in front of me and cut my path off. “How did you fracture your skull?” She asked that creeped out look now traveled to her voice. “You don’t need to know.” I said and continued passed her. “It sounded scary.” She simply commented when I was an inch away from her. I didn’t acknowledge. I called Elizabeth as soon as I got home, and told her about Forks with a few obvious holes after reassuring her that I was alright. She asked a lot of questions; yes Carlisle’s house was nice and he was taking good care of me, yes his new wife was nice to me, yes I liked her, school was fine, yes I was making friends. “Have you met any pretty girls you like?” she asked the question I wished she wouldn’t have, and I’d had high hopes that she wouldn’t think to after a ton of questions had went by without it. I had to think about that for a second. “Umm no.” I don’t think so. After only a week she felt like she had already begun to forget my voice. I didn’t like that; it was hard to tell if she had actually meant that literally from her head injury. I promised I would try to call more; I was overreacting of course I was sure of it. I took after her in that way. I popped a couple more Tylenol that night before turning in. I was tired, and the medication seemed to work, but there was a lot on my mind from the day’s events. I hoped I would be able to sleep. Affection was so mysterious; Esme had only known me for a week, but it was so obvious how she already adored me like it had been her body that had created me. Bella Swan was stuck in my head; the way she moved with poetic grace, her beautiful pure smile from Biology when I had told her why I had come to Forks, her songbird voice. I had only known this girl for a week too. Was attraction possibly my mental disorder? ~ Charlie was worried and irritated. His hands were balled into fists at his sides so that his skin was almost translucent as he stood before us all giving use to the kitchen table. “Do you realize the seriousness of what you have done?” he asked boring his eyes into me. I nodded. “I don’t think you do.” Rosalie contradicted me, her arms crossed over her breasts and her lips pursed. “Believe me I do.” I assured everyone. “But I couldn’t just let him die.” “First you almost kill him yourself and now he almost gets smashed by a van. Obviously this guy is supposed to die.” Jasper contradicted completely colliding with the thoughts that had gone through my mind when I first saw that van coming at Edward. “Humans die Bells. It’s unfortunate when it happens violently but that’s life…how it’s supposed to be anyway.” Charlie said, his eyes slightly wandered for a moment. I could see on his face the hundreds of years of experience that backed him up, and painted his features with ghosts. “What you did was careless, and he saw something he shouldn’t have. Who knows how much he knows now.” “I know.” I blinked as I concentrated on the words through all the strong emotions in the room that I had unleashed from the forbidden box. “So I ah…guess we’d better get ready to go.” he sighed. “NO!” Rosalie snapped. “We have the most freedom here without so much sun. We can be almost human.” “If Bella needs us to leave, we leave.” Charlie told her sternly. Rosalie’s eyes were filled with golden flames burning a hole in me, literally. Her anger filled my chest with heartburn, and it grew and grew. I had to stop breathing, my lungs felt paralyzed. “Bella?” Alice gasped rushing to my side. I groaned, and bent over in pain as I fought it, trying to block it. “Babe not cool, chill!” Emmett barked. “Rosalie, knock it off now, calm down!” Charlie snapped. “I won’t make this everyone’s problem; no one is leaving but me.” I choked. Rosalie closed her eyes and huffed as Emmett rubbed her back. That’s the plus to the discomfort my powers could cause, it vanished quickly when the emotion weakened. “Not this time, if you leave we all do.” Charlie argued. “Is that really a good idea? Wouldn’t it look suspicious if we just disappeared?” Emmett ventured. “Exactly it would just give him more reason to believe what he saw, especially if you leave alone Bella.” Jasper agreed. “Besides we need to know how people are feeling now more than ever.” “It won’t be that helpful. Emotions don’t tell all.” I said. “Hmm, well thought out son.” Charlie reconsidered. “It is possible that if Bella disappears the boy might talk.” “I don’t think he would tell anybody.” I assured everyone. “He’s a decent guy.” “And what are you basing that on you’ve known the guy for two days your week away being discredited?” Jasper asked. “You‘re powers don’t tell that kind of information. He can’t be allowed to live with what he knows, it’s against the rules for a human to have any idea that our kind exists.” “He’s right. She’s useless in this, and she’s done enough.” Rosalie agreed. “None of us care as much about killing a human as Bella.” “Rosalie I’m a cop I protect the innocent not allow them to be slaughtered. I only allowed it in Rochester because the guy betrayed you monstrously and committed murder. I was allowing you to have your justice. But this guy has done no wrong.” Charlie argued. “This isn’t personal it’s a service to not only our family but our kind for our protection.” “I won’t let you kill him!” I said. “She may not have to.” Alice suddenly piped up heavy hearted, and confused. We all quickly turned our attention to her with intrigue as if listening to a camp fire story. I concentrated on her, to what the emotions were inside her vision. This was not an easy task to feel what doesn’t exist yet, or what doesn’t exist anymore. It was difficult to block one person out while trying to feel another at the same time. And I had to block Alice’s present feelings in order to concentrate on the vision. Tears that would never flow welled up in my eyes, I was suddenly scared, my heart was broken…my heart? Wait, who was this? That was another difficulty in focusing my powers like this; I can tell who I am feeling by the direction it’s coming from. It’s similar to the way a snake follows it’s pray by its body heat. But this way it was disembodied emotions, there was nothing to follow. My mental block prevents me from feeling the sensation of an emotion being directed at me, Rosalie knowing this had used a loop hole, and meant her anger for Edward when she was torturing me. But in Alice’s vision these emotions of horror were practically pointing fingers right at me. The trapped tears grew in my face…I had done something wrong…something horrible. “Bella!?” Charlie and Renee charged over, Renee ran her hand through my hair and stroked down my stone cheek while Charlie put an arm around me. I had not realized until then that I was shaking. “What’s happening?” I stuttered. Suddenly it was gone, all of it and the vision was empty…or it was partially empty, there was love but this time it wasn’t strangling my soul like the horror and guilt had. In fact there was a trail…it was physical…Alice …with Edward! That empty space was starting to become distinct. “We’re going to be friends…if you don’t kill him.” Alice finally managed to say. “What! I…how? No…that can’t be.” I stuttered. “But I may not right? You said ‘if’.” “If…he becomes one of us.” Alice finished. Edward’s face immediately flashed in my mind with pale, cold hard skin, and blood thirsty red eyes. I shook it off as quickly as it had appeared. “NO!” I cried. “Never! I won’t let that happen!” “It’s going to happen Bella, one way or the other.” Alice assured me. “I’m sorry. And I would appreciate it if no one interfered; I want whatever future makes him my friend. I love him too…not in the same way of course.” She threw that last part in with urgency as Jasper’s eyes widened and he filled with fury. “No I don’t like that, I don’t want you near him!” he roared. I was mad too, I had picked up on Alice’s phrasing instantly, what had she meant by that!? “You did not say ‘too’.” I informed her. “You don’t see it? How can you feel the emotions of others but be so oblivious to your own?” Alice asked with awe in her voice. “Maybe it’s like that thing where a psychic can’t see their own death.” Emmett offered. “You’re crazy!” I told her. “Wait a minute what is this!?” Charlie huffed. “Bella what is she saying?” “She doesn’t know what she is saying.” I replied. “Oh God!” Rosalie snapped. “It’s ok Bella.” Alice said. “No it sure as hell is not Ok.” Charlie said. That’s when something amazing happened; after all the hate, the anger, the betrayal, the carelessness, the lies, the doubt, the confusion, and the worry had been forbiddingly unleashed onto the world, there was something at the bottom of the box just like in the story. Renee had been pretty much invisible through all of this, she had never said a word the whole time but at that moment the last thing came out of the box as I looked at her, hope.
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| Siren- Chapter 3: Pandora's Box |
[15 May 2009|10:54pm] |
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Yes yes finally. I am so sorry it took so long. Blame math. I was really struggling which had me worried and had to buckle down with it.
Something tells me this is going to be a two poster. But enjoy.
3. Pandora’s Box I was excited the next morning, there’s something I didn’t expect. For one thing it was light outside, and that was pleasant. I actually ate a decent breakfast this morning; a couple of eggs, a piece of toast, and a glass of orange juice. Forks was like the inside of a crystal; pine needles on trees, the windows of buildings and the roads and cars were coated in ice from yesterday’s rain that sparkled in the sun. I was eager to get to school today but I didn’t want to think about why. So naturally those soft golden eyes and that gorgeous smile that made blood churn in my cheeks were swimming along the curves of my brain. Stupid, stupid, stupid! After I ‘testified’ myself yesterday I shouldn’t be going anywhere near her, not to mention her suspicious behavior. I still wondered why the hell she lied about those eyes. It kind of freaked me out how I was so into this girl obviously sent to haunt me, I was such an idiot around her with the drunken mind and the blushing and shit. I mean I even liked just watching the wretch walk! What the hell…who gets attracted to the way someone walks? I seriously considered having Carlisle check me out after school, maybe I was the one with the mental disorder. ~ Why…Why was I standing against the end of my truck waiting for him? Why was I anxious to see him pull into the parking lot, to see his face? “So what’s with you and this Cullen guy?” Emmett asked. “Why do you let him torture you? One human won’t be the end of the world.” I couldn’t believe what he had just suggested; I was appalled at him for thinking such a thing, we weren’t supposed to do that; we weren’t supposed to be like the rest of our kind. “It would be for me!” I informed him. I thought of Charlie, so much guilt he felt for sending me away. He wasn’t sure it was right of him. ‘No, dad you trust me too much, and I know would have betrayed it all, and destroyed the family if I had stayed.’ ‘If you can’t be here anymore, we’ll all leave. Rose may be a little disgruntled, but the others owe you, you have always moved on for them without question.’ I had remained silent, but raised one cheek in an awkward, unsure smile. Charlie had caught this, confusion came from him in response. ‘What?’ ‘I know I shouldn’t be here.’ ‘Well what’s holding you back? I thought you liked how he smelled too much.’ I couldn’t answer that. The torture this guy was putting me through was nothing compared to the torturing guilt that would strangle me knowing I had sinned again, that I had committed a murder. And this wouldn’t be just any murder; believe it or not there was one good thing about that monster I had put to sleep. She chose her prey carefully, only those who had committed crimes, who didn’t deserve to live, were her targets. Edward Cullen was frustrating, strange, and too observant; he was noticing too much, first my anger on his first day and then yesterday that my eyes were not the same. I couldn’t help remembering his smile when he spoke of making his mother happy like ‘he’ was ‘her’ caretaker. It gave me a fuzzy memory of my mother’s face; and I remembered that even though I was the kid, I was the woman of the house. He was selfless, and kind and considerate; he was unlike any of the other guys in the school, or any other guys that I have ever known; and it was because of all of this, my inability to feel him and figure him out above all that made him fascinating. ‘Oh no stop!’ the point was he was innocent. But somehow I didn’t know anymore than Charlie, I was unsure of what was right. This guy had no idea what was unfolding around him, the dramatic change in the town’s atmosphere he had brought. How oblivious he was, it was like he was in his own world or something. He had no idea how he was affecting people in this school…how he was affecting me. It wasn’t fair of me to risk his life, guilt filled me as I watched the shiny silver Volvo pull into the parking lot, and easily slide into a parking spot. Stupid shiny Volvo, it was like he was asking for attention and then just played clueless when he was certainly getting it, I mean he had to be; he had to notice how that car stuck out in Forks like a gem among rocks. I didn’t get him at all. “You’re going to leave again aren’t you?” Alice asked she was the only one with me now; the others had grown bored of my foolish and unexplainable obsession and had gone off to class. My mind was so jumbled that I could imagine her visions of me being fuzzy pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. “I can’t see where you would go.” She continued. “I don’t know where I would go.” “I want you to stay; you’re so strong you don’t need to run.” I sighed as the Cullen boy was standing at the door of his car with his side to me. I think he was looking at me but wanted to be inconspicuous. Nice try. What was he feeling, what was on his mind? I wanted to stay too, every time I thought about leaving again I remembered the feeling of Charlie’s guilt and helplessness, and imagined Renee’s worry and sadness. I hadn’t actually felt her before I had left but I didn’t need to I knew her well. But I wasn’t going to drag them all with me and force them each to lug around a piece of my problems. “Let Jazz and I go with you.” Alice coincidentally suggested at just that moment. “He won’t mind.” “No I do. I’m not making my problems all of yours too.” I groaned then feeling my body chill as she was filled with terror. “NO!” she shrieked. “Alice what is it?” I asked urgently. But she didn’t have time to answer because the future became the present in that instant as I heard Tyler Crowley’s mini van skid around the corner going at an alarming speed, the van itself quickly followed its sound into the parking lot. It was out of control and it spun on the ice, sliding right for Cullen still standing by his stupid gem Volvo… of course! In response to the sound of the screeching tires his eyes flicked up to my involuntary horror struck expression for a second and then flicked before him to his incoming death. ‘No, not him!’ ~ Holy shit! You can’t be serious, the curse of Forks was supposed to drive me away mad, not kill me! Was it because I was being an idiot again and staring at her? I couldn’t help it, she was just standing there by her beat up truck four cars down from me across the lot, with her little fairy sister and I wanted to know what she was thinking, what they were saying. Were they talking about me? Was she thinking about me? Oh geeze, who the hell cares!? But that must have been part of the curse, she was so damn beautiful it pulled my eyes to her and wouldn’t let them go. Then everything seemed to happen in slow motion but all at once like the scene in a movie where the true love of the main character was about to die traumatically. The screeching seemed for a moment like one of those you hear in the distance it might startle you but there is no source. Shouts and screams swam around me and I caught one last glimpse of Bella Swan her face was filled with horror. There was no time and it was the wrong moment to wonder why she didn’t have a big possessed grin on her face to see me about to be squashed to death. My heartbeat was almost loud enough to serve as a dramatic sound effect as adrenalin rushed through my body, the blue van sliding closer and closer. What the hell was wrong with Crowley; was he drunk!? I don’t much approve of curse words especially when any female could hear. They are a flavor on my tongue that makes me gag, but fear does strange things to a person I guess because as I watched that van come for me, my eyes popped out of my head and I shouted almost at the top of my lungs “Son of a bitch!” I would hate myself for that later, but my mind went blank as the van smashed into the trunk of my Volvo, the crashing sound exploded in my ears… but I was alive; I had been pushed but not in the direction I was supposed to have been. My head smacked against the black top. I bent forward to get up and run but I couldn’t move some cold hard rock was pinning me to the ground, and if this whole thing wasn’t already screwed up enough the curse was trying again. The damn van had swerved around the Volvo still spinning out of control and came right for me again! What the hell!? My mind was malfunctioning too much to wonder if I was being punished or something, I just wanted to run but that damn stone wouldn’t let me up. I was just about to scream when a low oath alerted me that I wasn’t alone, and this whole thing got even more screwed up as I instantly knew the voice. Those very arms that I had thought looked like they had fighting experience in them but didn’t match the fragile figure shot out, one protectively across my chest and the van stopped an inch from my face. My eyes popped out again as the other tiny hand and the corresponding foot was caressed in a deep dent in the van’s body. Holy mother of Christ! I had to hold my breath again as that had come dangerously close to passing out of my brain and through my lips. My dislodged eyes met hers for about thirty seconds that seemed more like two minutes. Her golden irises shined with…relief, and it was like that moment in my mother’s arms on the porch before we had left for the airport, like time had paused for her so that she could just watch me continuing to breathe. When the long thirty seconds were up, her hands all of a sudden moved so quickly I barely saw it; one hand was then gripping the edge of the van; then I was dragged up so my legs flopped up from under me and I was flung sideways. The van then made a thud that hurt my ears spilling glass all over the asphalt where my legs should have been crushed beneath it. I kept staring at her; I couldn’t believe what had just happened…what she, Bella Swan had just done! I had taken her into another world where it was just the two of us, staring at her disbelievingly. The screams and multiple shouts of my name were no more than hardly noticed background music. The same relived look remained in her eyes, but now it was a mixture of relief and fear. I wondered what she was thinking. I realized then that she had her arms wrapped around me in a clamp clutching me urgently. I couldn’t help but feel a wave of pleasure go through me at the feeling of her against me; she fit into my shape so perfectly. All of a sudden she was different to me; she truly was exactly what I had seen her as that first day I watched her waft into the cafeteria like a gentle breeze. She was not the omen of a curse put on me by this town, she was an angel. I reached my hand out to stroke her silk looking cheek, the back of my fingers brushed against her cool skin just barely when she gasped lowly and pulled her face away. “I’m sorry.” I said not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable. “Edward, are you alright?” she asked. The sound of my name on her lips sent a light shiver down my spine for some weird reason. I wondered if she would let go of me if I told her I was fine which was true. I wasn’t ready for her to let go; my body must have been going crazy from shock. I chanced a look back at the van, and that dent drove me nuts. How the hell did this girl so small and fragile looking, stop a big out of control van at all let alone LEAVE A DENT!? “Physically yeah, but mentally I think I’m going insane, how the hell did you…” She retracted her arms and stood up quickly, and I was afraid I had offended her. Her lip began to tremble, and it bothered me. I stood up to face her and the motion made me aware of a throbbing pain above my left ear, and I groaned. “Be careful, you hit your head pretty hard.” Bella said as if trying to use it as an excuse for something, the look on her face was persuasive. “How the hell did you get over to me so fast…and that dent in the van?” I finished the question I had started. “I was standing right next to you.” she answered. She was lying again, and she completely ignored the second part of my question I was sure on purpose. What was up with her? First her eyes in biology and now this, but I was not playing the fool this time, now I knew she was messing with me and it annoyed the crap out of me. ~ I may have just ruined my family and possibly put our whole kind in danger; the expected price to pay for saving a life, ironically the very life I had very nearly taken myself. Why did it have to be him? Now I had to wonder if the universe was ‘trying’ to draw my attention to him. Well the universe was real cold, but clever. I had flown into action pretty much as an automatic reflex; I knew what I was risking, I knew it was dangerous, but I couldn’t let him die. And unfortunately I had to use ‘my’ speed if there was any way in hell I would reach him before he would be road kill. I pushed him out of the way a little too hard and smacked his head into the blacktop. That would not have been abnormal at all, easily passable for an adrenalin rush, but the van to my astonishment tried again, and I had to ask myself again, why him? Why period was more important, that is where things got complicated. ‘How the hell did you get to me so fast…and that dent…?’ Traitor! I couldn’t believe him! And it ruined an interesting moment too…a good moment. The way he looked at me, it was like he was having some kind of revelation. He might have just been in shock but his father would be able to tell better than me. He needed his father anyway to look at his head. He seemed…dazzled though, he reached out to touch my cheek, that expression seemed glued to his features. Again as reflex I pulled away, not because I didn’t want him to touch me but because I remembered his reaction to my skin in biology, my skin was nowhere near what it looked like, it would repulse him. I was only partially aware that I was sitting against him, clutching him; it made me feel like I was keeping him safe. But I also couldn’t help noting his warmth, and that it was pleasant. After I lied off his interrogation, for the time being anyway I scanned the gathering crowd, there was panic, lots of panic; I could pick out Jessica and Mike and the terror coming from the van the spoon among the forks. Fortunately there was no confusion or any other feelings that would indicate wondering about something strange. The panic became uncomfortable; there was so much too close to me. I cringed, and of course Cullen noticed that too. “Are you alright Bella?” I nodded. “My arms are sore from the adrenalin rush.” I waved my arms slightly still cringing from all the panic hitting me for emphasis. He seemed confused about that response even though it was my best lie yet, I was usually a terrible liar especially now that I have been needing to lie about something I never have before because this guy. Maybe I was so bad at it because I was not a fan of lying, I didn’t like doing it. But I had grown used to the fact that it was part of this life. Confusion was a step in the right direction though. “You were standing over there.” He pointed to my red truck parked four spaces away from him. Except the view of it was blocked now by the van. Holy crow! “No I wasn’t.” I told him trying to continue being confident to hold his confusion. Usually even if it was not my best, if I lied well enough my questioner eventually became convinced that they had been mistaken. “Quit lying, I saw you.” But it wasn’t working on him, what was with this guy!? “Are you really that blind?” I snapped. “I was standing right next to you how else could I have been there to pull you out of the way?” “Exactly!” He barked. This was the farthest from going well that it could be. I needed to calm him down, satisfy him for now. After all I could easily have him discredited when it was necessary later; he had hit his head he was in shock. “Edward please,” I pleaded I needed to gain his trust to quiet him…although I realized when the words passed my lips that there was more to it than that; I actually ‘wanted’ his trust. “What?” he huffed. “Trust me.” “Well I want answers later.” He demanded. That infuriated me; I couldn’t believe how…threatening he sounded. It startled me. How could he think it was ok to force anything out of me, what a jerk! I wanted to think that he was just freaked out still, that he hadn’t meant it that way, I had to believe that. “Fine” I meekly agreed just to shut him up. As the rescue began around us, the authorities called, and sirens in the distance I scanned the feelings of the crowd once again to check the latecomers. There was still nothing dangerous going through them. I heard various side conversations and most while shocked to see me with Edward concluded the logical, that they had simply not seen me standing next to him before the accident. Of course as usual he was the only one that responded differently to me. But he would be made to accept the easy explanation; no one would listen to him because with a head injury he was the least reliable witness. His father, Dr. Cullen would convince him that it was shock or a concussion. Then I winced as I felt the irritation, anger, confusion and relief of my siblings as they arrived on the scene. It was odd and a little uncomfortable and difficult to feel so many different things coming at me at once because they all hit me as a mixture like emotion soup or playing emotion dodge ball but not being able to dodge a single one. But with practice I was becoming able to control the discomfort and concentrate on each of them. Facing my family was going to be ugly. I felt so horribly for having done this to them. If I wasn’t a disgrace before, I certainly was now. There was no mistaking the concern that came towards me as Edward stared at me thoughtfully his curious expression completely contrasting his cold attitude. “I swear I don’t drink, I…I just panicked” I heard Tyler Crowley saying. “Alright, I’m gonna have Dr. Cullen call your parents later about your insurance.” Charlie told him as he was being pulled into an ambulance on a stretcher. There was no doubt in my mind that he had seen the dent in the side of the car. He sighed and held his ground for several seconds thoughtfully. He wasn’t ashamed or angry only concerned. But he didn’t yet know how observant Edward was. Finally he turned my way while paramedics started fitting Edward with neck a brace. The young male nurse had wanted me to be treated too but I was easily able to convince him that it was unnecessary. I liked this young man, he was pleased with me, he must have noticed how alert and calm I was because he trusted my judgment as everyone else was confused and some skeptical. It made sense but it was annoying and unhelpful. “You alright?” Charlie asked. I looked at the object of my deed, the object of my world. Damn I wished I knew how he was feeling. He looked like he was calm now, defeated possibly. His face was almost apathetic like my refusing him what he had wanted had ruined his day, but also thoughtful like he was trying to come up with his own answers. Being a doctor’s son I had to wonder if he thought I was mental. “Yeah.” I answered honestly. Charlie sighed; he was worried about what I had done. I noticed from the corner of my eye, Emmett was cleaning up my mess; smoothing out the dent in the back of the tan car parked next to the Volvo that had taken a decent blow. It was quite interesting; forgiveness was hard to feel because it was not really an emotion but rather a decision despite the phrase ‘a forgiving mood’. But the strange sensation going through me coming from Emmett was no doubt forgiveness. Technically I guess in a sense there is such thing as a forgiving mood, because what I could feel was more like Emmett’s feeling like being forgiving. It was confusing but the best sense I could make of it. “So do you like this guy or something?” Charlie asked. He wasn’t good with the subject of boys; he was embarrassed to be asking, but the worry never left him. “I’ve just never noticed you paying so much attention to a human, and coincidentally a guy.” “I can’t help it he’s…different.” I answered. “You can’t feel him.” Charlie nodded. “Yeah I wonder why that is.” He looked over at Edward I was surprised that he was a bit irritated; why? The irritation was slightly shadowed by heartbreak or rather the memory of it because it felt distant, unreal. He must have been remembering my leaving, that night I had broken down completely a mess after I had nearly committed a murder. He shot Edward daggers of accusation with his eyes; it was just barely noticeable on his seemingly expression deficient face. He silently started towards the unsuspecting guy as he was refusing to be carried in a stretcher. There wasn’t thirst in his eyes and I still thought Edward was a jerk for what he had said earlier but I still worried. This was one of those annoying moments when emotions weren’t enough; I needed to know what Charlie was thinking, what his intentions were. “Edward Cullen?” he asked approaching. “Dr. Cullen’s boy right?” “Chief Swan?” Edward answered and I was confused by the surprise in his voice like he was meeting the president or something. “Ah yeah.” “I talked to your step-mother; she was real anxious. I told her not to come around here, too much commotion and it looks like you need get looked at. So she’ll meet you down at the hospital.” Charlie informed him. “So you alright?” “Yeah fine.” “He hit his head pretty hard when I pushed him out of the way, he might have a concussion.” I told the young male nurse whose attitude I liked. Edward’s expression then changed to match his earlier attitude; wrathful. But it was a soft, sly wrath that was more in his eyes than anywhere else; it was very snakelike and…it kind of frightened me as pathetic as that was since I am the one that should be frightening him. I almost half expected him to hiss and slither his tongue out of his mouth. Charlie grew anxious alerting me to my jaw hanging about half an inch from my mouth. I brought my lips back together immediately. “Looks like you got lucky kid.” Charlie offered although there was an added ‘this time’ implied by his tone that indicated that it was not a compliment. “Yeah lucky Bella was around, she was there so damn fast, I should have been road kill.” What!? No! What…what was wrong with him!? I spare his life twice, and he now wants to commit suicide? I could see fire in Charlie’s eyes; Edward had been pressing his buttons ever since that first day when he made me leave; now he was very frustrated. “What?” he huffed; Anger was the one area where Charlie couldn’t help being very expressive. “Yeah I swear she was nowhere near me and then bam, she was pushing me out of the way. I don’t know how she did it.” Shut up jerk! Charlie made a fist where Edward could not see. “Yep, sounds like Bella, always looking out for people.” He quickly struggled to get out. I couldn’t tell if any of his anger was for me, and it weakened me to consider it, to know what I had done to him, to my whole family. I watched him walk away unaware of my hand massaging my chest where his anger burned inside me like flesh on fire. I wanted to slap Edward so hard, possibly even break his nose, I wanted there to be a lot of pain! Yep I was right, two poster. To be continued...
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| She's Like the Wind |
[01 May 2009|10:25pm] |
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Ok so a couple of days ago I just made one of the hardest pieces I have ever made. It was a very hard image to portray.
It was inspired by the song 'She's Like the Wind' from Dirty Dancing.
I am very pleased with how it came out.
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| Siren - Chapter 2 MPD Part Two |
[23 Feb 2009|10:18am] |
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Shape of my Heart - Backstreet Boys |
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Ok here is the rest of Chapter 2. Sorry again.
~ Thank God for the rain; I was supposed to have left the snow back in Alaska. The snow hadn’t bothered me so much today though, I felt peaceful, maybe it was Charlie’s overwhelming happiness and relief when I got back to town; it really had made my day. The worst thing about the snow was how it flew pretty much all over campus like World War I…I shivered as I held up my books to shield myself meekly and it obviously wasn’t from the cold…bad analogy. Of course because people hardly noticed us anyway, my absence wasn’t acknowledged except by the teachers. So it was a typical day. “Hey Cullen’s coming, act human.” Alice announced at our lunch table….and peaceful feelings gone. My lip trembled as I watched him get in line with Mike and Jessica Stanley. Of course she would be all over him, no surprise there. Fortunately the room was so filled with human smells the real problem wouldn’t be until biology when I had him next to me. I had hunted with Charlie last night, and bloated myself in preparation, and told him about my revelation, filling him with pride. It helped but was nowhere near a guarantee. Emmett responded to Alice’s warning by throwing a snowball he had carried in at Jasper. I leaned sideways automatically even though Jasper was sitting two seats from me. Alice’s face fell open as some slush hit her temple. “Hey!” she laughed. “Yeah real human man!” Jasper responded as both my brothers started laughing as well. My attention changed direction when I felt concern coming from next to a section of thin air, and then confusion. “Are you sure, you’re feeling alright?” I heard Jessica Stanley ask, “Do you want to go to the nurse?” “No,” the Cullen boy answered. “I’m fine.” I noticed with the corner of my eye that he only had an apple and a soda with him. I was no doctor, and even more so I was no human, but shouldn’t he eat more than that? It had been too long since my days but I knew from observation that usually humans ate a lot more than that for a meal. What was wrong with him? Jessica’s concern lingered around him, almost tying him up like a rope. I stole a glance at him, and for an instant met his gaze but he snapped his head away. I was trying to figure him out, but I couldn’t concentrate when Mike started throwing out his stupid jealousy. I got irritated and all of a sudden felt something strange; the urge to demand that Mike stay away from the boy because he seemed like a gentlemen and I didn’t want that idiot to rub off on him. And as if that wasn’t enough, I kind of wanted him to eat something, he never touched his apple; he just kept toying with it. How very strange, what was this? I had bigger fish to fry; Cullen had noticed my silent rampage in biology from last week, how the heck he managed that I wish I knew. ‘Does she look angry?’ The deadly details were more than obvious of course, but no one ever pays enough attention to us to notice them which was the way it was supposed to be. I really would have done more good to my family if I were a mind reader, it would really help to know what my behavior had made him think…or with what I did have at least what he felt would tell me something. I began to feel like a let down as I took my seat in biology, ignoring the jump of Mr. Banner’s heart and the spit second of lust that followed it. ‘Too young, student, inappropriate’! I both cursed and praised Alice and her outfits for that, Mr. Banner’s safe and smart hopelessness was comforting to me, a reminder that Edward Cullen was just strange. He didn’t acknowledge me and the look on his face was stern, he was mad at me for my behavior on his first day. I didn’t need to feel him, the expression was clear. It made sense, but there was more to the way he interpreted it than my simply taking an instant disliking to him. Maybe I could mess with him, make him think he imagined last week. ~ “Hello.” that beautiful song voice wafting right against my ear like the nuzzling of a kitten. My head snapped in her direction before I could think my reaction through. She spoke to me!? What the heck…so much for her being uncomfortable around people. She flashed a soft peaceful smile at me, and I think I freaking blushed, crap! “I’m Bella Swan.” She continued. “I’m sorry for being rude and not introducing myself last week. You must be Dr. Cullen’s son, Edward right?” I just stared blankly at her for a moment. She definitely wasn’t uncomfortable now; her posture was much more relaxed than last week, and close up I could see more clearly how without the bruise like circles plastered below her eyes her face looked a lot healthier apart from the paleness. I was pretty sure I hadn’t made up the tense, cold trance she was in just last week, but she was so polite now. It seemed impossible that this was the same girl. I noticed though that she still sat with her seat scooted away from me, interesting. Maybe I didn’t exactly have to rule out her being uncomfortable near people just yet. What the heck were disorders like that called, I had spent part of my weekend, a very small part looking in some of Carlisle’s medical books in his study. I guess this is what comes from being the son of a doctor. Depersonalization disorder and social anxiety disorder seemed possible, but now multiple personality disorder came to mind. Ugh, geeze I was an idiot treating this poor girl like a research project. “Uh yeah.” I finally answered her sounding like a doofus on too much cold medication or something. I didn’t know what else to say to her; my throat was numb for some messed up reason, and my carefully planned out confrontation meant for last week was gone as if drowned from my mind by booze. I definitely felt like I was drunk, my mind was clouded with so much confusion and awe. I just kept staring at her and after a few seconds she became uncomfortable and turned her head so that her face was slightly curtained by her long hair. Luckily the awkward silence was broken by the start of class. We were doing the mitosis lab today a partner assignment. We were given a box of slides containing the five stages of mitosis in onion root cells which we needed to identify and label in order. I remembered the lab so it didn’t matter to me that books were not allowed whereas there was panic on the faces of all the other students. “Ladies first partner?” I offered politely with a smile. She stared at me like it surprised her. “Or I could start if you prefer.” “Ah no, I’ll go ahead.” She replied softly. She smiled bashfully and it was so beautiful I very nearly missed her eyes and realized the subtle difference I had been looking for in the cafeteria. I remembered clearly the ebony black her eyes had been last time I saw her, but they weren’t anymore. Now they were soft butterscotch gold. What in the name of all that is holy!? Someone must have managed to call her that exorcist she had needed; I swear she must have been relieved of some evil possessive spirit. She seemed so much more real now, so innocent, shy… “Prophase.” And smart. She had only looked into the microscope for a moment and spoke the answer with complete confidence. I felt like a jerk asking if I could check it but she let me without protest or visible offense, and of course she was right. She had even waited for me to finish checking and confirm her answer before she wrote it on our paper. I then switched the slides and glanced at the second one for only a moment myself. “Anaphase.” I declared, and she wrote it down after asking to check my work. I then offered her slide three, and her hand brushed against mine as she took it from me. My God, her hand was freezing! Probably from the snow I guessed. She seemed embarrassed as she took her hand back; she must have noticed the gasp that I had tried to keep silent but came out in a low breath instead. I hoped I hadn’t offended her, but somehow her skin had stung like some kind of electric shock. Was there anything about this girl that I could actually understand, trying to figure her out was like trying make a toddler solve an algebra problem. “Interphase.” She said and this time I trusted her, and just let her write it down. I would have offered to do some of the writing of course but I noticed that her handwriting was a beautiful script just like everything else about her that I could see anyway. My plain cursive would taint the paper. Of course we were finished before anyone else got close. They were so lost even that most pairs had their books hidden on their laps. Being finished early was not good for me though because it gave me nothing to do but stare at her, I tried not to of course but hey I’m a guy, guys aren’t supposed to be able to keep their eyes off of beautiful girls. I turned my head to face her, peeking from the corners of my eyes was not showing me enough and she was staring at me her soft eyes carried frustration. “Did you get contacts?” I blurted out as those eyes bore into me torturing me with curiosity. “No.” she answered, but she didn’t elaborate as I had hoped. She seemed a little startled by the question. “Ok, well you’re eyes…they just seem different.” I responded downplaying it a lot. I knew they were; I only played the fool, I wasn’t actually one. Why would she lie? They were just contacts, they had to be how the heck else could her eyes have changed like that? She looked down and clenched her hand into that fist again. Somehow I felt inconsiderate for asking; I didn’t see how but perhaps that was something personal to her. Mr. Banner then came to our table, noticing that we were not doing the assignment. “Bella, I know you are advanced, but this is a partner assignment, Edward needs to try doing some of the work as well.” He said looking at the paper over her shoulder. I could swear to the Holy Father that he had just a hint of a dazzled smile at the corner of his mouth when he spoke her name. What the…! I had to choke back an awkward laugh. “Actually he identified three of the five.” Bella responded. He then turned his attention to me, he was skeptical. “Have you done this lab before?” I nodded “But with Whitefish blastula.” “Were you in an advanced placement program in Chicago?” he asked. “Yeah.” It seemed to take a moment for Mr. Banner to absorb that, but then he said; “Well then it’s a good thing you’re working with Bella.” And there was that damn hidden smile again. I wasn’t even going to think about it; that was creepy, in fact that’s just freaking wrong. She started doodling in her notebook when he left mumbling something inaudible; it looked like nothing more than meaningless circles and squiggly lines. I wondered what was on her mind. I could see her occasionally peek at me from inside the curtain of her hair like the silence made her nervous. “It’s a bummer about the snow.” I commented awkwardly. “Not really. I don’t like the cold or wet.” She said shocking me. I had thought the weather to be a very cliché, predictable subject. But so far nothing was predictable with her, the exact opposite in fact. I was sure anyone else in this town would have agreed with me. “It’s ironic then that you would be living in the coldest place in the continental US.” I replied. “How about you, is Forks driving you crazy yet?” she asked. I had to laugh at what that implied, it was surprising that it turned out I wasn’t alone. “Kind of.” I admitted, and chuckled. “I’m still working my way up”. “You’ll get used to it.” she said as if promising. “But why are you here in the first place?” Now there was a question I hadn’t been asked before, at least not so directly, and demanding. Just for that I almost wanted to tell her off, but a more dominant part of me for some reason wanted to talk to her. I wasn’t sure though what would make her any less difficult to talk to than everyone else here. She was an outsider too though, the only one in this town besides me, and she was obviously different. “Ah my mom got remarried.” “Oh, is there something wrong with him?” it sounded like an assumption, a logical one of course but regardless it still seemed a little rude of her to assume. “No, not at all, Edward’s a good guy.” She cocked her eyebrow like that had sounded weird to her. I didn’t get it at all. “His name is Edward too?” “Edward Mason. He’s an actor.” “Oh, I don’t believe I’ve heard of him.” said Bella. “That’s because he’s not a good actor. He’s never been in anything well known. He mostly only lands commercials and series that end up bombing pretty quickly.” I explained. “That’s too bad. So why aren’t you with them?” “Ed has to travel a lot for auditions and stuff. My mom used to stay home with me but she missed him. She wasn’t happy, so I decided to stay with Carlisle so she could be with him.” “That’s so nice of you,” Bella replied with a sympathetic smile that told me she would have done the same. It was the most real and purest smile I had ever seen on her, beautiful. I felt blood rising in my face again for the second time in this hour. “But now you’re unhappy, kind of like a version of ‘Gift of the Magi’” Now that was an interesting comparison but it felt like she was trying to imply something. “I guess; so?” “You wear a very convincing mask,” she replied shocking me. “I bet you’re suffering more than you show people.” What the heck!? What was that supposed to mean? She had just contradicted her clever ‘Gift of the Magi’ reference with that comment. I shook my head and chuckled at her ridiculousness. “Ok that made no sense. The point of ‘Gift of the Magi’ is that the happiness of the other person is what made the couple happy. It didn’t matter that they lost their most prized possessions. Ed makes my mother happy, and I like seeing my mother happy.” She smiled that blood rushing warm smile again but I could see in her expression that she wasn’t buying it. “Ah interesting wording. You didn’t say that seeing your mother happy makes you happy. Although I am sure it does of course, you could still miss that prized possession that you had to give up. You kind of just shoved that mask right in my face.” She shot back at me. Damn she was tricky. I sighed, and turned away. “That’s what I thought.” Bella awarded herself. “Hey making assumptions is rude you know!?” I snapped. She lowered her eyes and bit her lip. “I’m sorry am I annoying you?” she asked. “No not really. It’s just that my mother is the only one that can see through me usually.” “Actually I’m finding it very hard to figure you out.” Was that some kind of a joke? After everything she had guessed and the comment she had just turned inside out she thought I was hard to figure out? Give me a break! On the contrary she sounded like she had really meant it though. “So what you’re supposed to be able to figure people out or something?” “Yeah.” She answered very naturally like I had asked her if it was raining outside. Mr. Banner called for the class’s attention then as I shook my head once again amused by her absurdness, and couldn’t believe myself for explaining my uninteresting life to this bizarre and beautiful girl who may even think I was the biggest asshole she’s ever met as if I were testifying in front of a judge. Mr. Banner showed us illustrations on the overhead of what Bella and I had seen with no trouble in the microscope. So instead of paying attention I stole a glance back towards her; her hand gripped the table tensely. When the bell finally rang, Bella floated hastily from the room the same way she had last Monday, and once again I stared after her in amazement like an idiot. Forks was a damn curse that haunted me with this beautiful but chilling creature. A curse that would stay with me until it drove me mad, maybe that was why there were so few people here who weren’t at least third generation residents. All of a sudden Jessica was at my side packing my books in my backpack for me, and Mike came up behind her. “Damn, that was awful they all looked the same. You were lucky you got to work with Bella, of course that’s not the only reason.” He said with a swooning sigh. Jessica snorted. “Yeah Mike was just telling me that she was actually nice to you today. Maybe that’s why she was absent last week, to learn some manners.” I stopped listening to her chatter as we walked to Spanish; I was glad that she didn’t have gym or biology with me, which would allow her to keep talking during class. We read a short story from the textbook and filled out a question sheet about it. It was an easy enough story to understand, no one had much of any trouble. Senora Goff than handed out a list of words and explained the homework assignment. The rain was light and misty as I walked to my car, listening to my mind replaying my conversation with Bella in Biology, how different she was today. I was pretty much on autopilot as turned the key in the lock and ran my hand thoughtfully though my rain damp hair. As I pulled the door open I looked up, and there was a white figure that seemed to float like a ghost in the blur of the rain from a distance. Bella Swan stood watching me curiously but frustrated at the door of an old red Chevy truck three cars down from me that looked like it belonged in a junk yard. Maybe it was just me but there seemed to be some hidden awe in her face. Cursed beauty! I slid into my car, and pulled out a little too quickly almost having a fender bender with a Toyota Corolla. She still stood there like she was waiting for a certain something to happen. I looked strait ahead as I passed her but from a corner peek she looked angry suddenly, but it seemed like a satisfied angry like she knew she was doing something right, the curse was working.
Information about the disorders that Edward ventures Bella might have found here:
http://psychcentral.com/disorders/anxiety/social_phobia.html
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| Siren - Chapter 2 MPD Part One |
[23 Feb 2009|10:13am] |
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2. MPD I couldn’t do it. I had seen an image of Charlie’s face in my head, he usually wasn’t too expressive but he didn’t need to be for me because he was normal. There was faith in his heart, and pride in his eyes; he had more faith in me than I nearly deserved. But for that instant I could almost feel into the future, to Charlie’s broken heart if I shattered his faith like a gunshot through a window. I didn’t want to do that to him, and I didn’t want to go back to being that monster. I tried to tell her to go away, to keep her in her grave, but the new guys smell lingered flowing all over the table and his heartbeat sloshed in my ears the sound of that delicious blood churning inside his easily breakable body. I might be able to let the classroom of witnesses leave with their lives if I make it clear that their lives are reward for their silence. I looked at him, with the intention of imagining his taste, but instead I saw an oblivious young guy, so innocent. He didn’t deserve this, he didn’t do anything wrong. I’m not that monster, I hate that monster! He never let down that wall between us that he had made from his notebook, but I caught him looking through it a couple times. What was he feeling? He took a deep breath as he took down notes from the lecture and the exhale felt like it went strait into my face. Oh thanks a lot, spray your sent right at me why don’t you. Too risky, the witnesses will have to go first, yeah save the prize for last. I could picture the panic, and oh could I feel it as I held his throat between my jaws, the rest of them scattered lifeless around the destroyed room, and my destroyed reputation. No, no, NO! I am NOT that monster; I don’t want to be that monster! ...wait, how stupid! I could go to his house while he is sleeping of course….NO! I felt like I should be rocking back and forth in a fetal position, the dilemma going through my mind like a bi-polar disorder. I planned his death carefully, I tried to resist his sent, I was so thirsty, but I didn’t want to let that monster out of her grave. It was so frustrating and scary. And what the heck was he feeling…while I was sitting here planning his death what was going through him!? Was he scared? He should be. Why did he have to come here and do this to me? Why didn’t he just stay where he came from!? I hated him for coming here and putting me through this even though I was aware that this really wasn’t his fault, he couldn’t help his natural scent. I held my breath through the longest hour of my life. It was uncomfortable; my body didn’t need oxygen but it came as natural to us as a human. Our sense of smell is how we hunted our prey and knew when others of our kind were out there. Smell was like our second sight. Breathing was also part of the act, and I had been a poor actress during that hour. Even having left him alive which I am not sure how I managed to do, I still felt like a total disgrace. “What’s going on?” Charlie asked when I entered his office at the police station that evening. It was a decision I didn’t have to wrestle with. “I almost…” I was so ashamed I couldn’t get the rest of it out; I felt tears that would never release behind my eyes. “Bells?” Charlie asked concerned, walking from his desk and taking me in his arms. He was scared, as he was reminded of the last time he saw me quite like this. “I’ve never smelled anything like him…has that ever happened to you?” “Oh, I see.” Charlie replied. “I don’t want to, but if I go near him again I might still…” I could almost feel the tears come down my cold cheeks. “I can’t be here anymore.” Charlie’s helplessness flooded me mixed with worry and fear, he wanted there to be something he could do. He didn’t want to let me go. He took a breath. “Well I suppose you have to do whatever you feel necessary to resist.” He said. It was a clearly halfhearted response. “I’ll miss you baby.” “I’ll miss you too.” ~ My second day of school was better than the first in some ways, worse in others. It was better because it didn’t rain at first, and I knew more what to expect. Angela sat next to me in Trig, and once again walked me to gym. That was the first area where the day became worse. I was too distracted and tired which caused me to take a volleyball to the head; I had been unable to sleep again last night. I spent most of the night coming up with different ways to confront Bella Swan and demand to know what her problem was, and trying to decide which approach would work best. I sat with Mike and his big group of friends again at lunch, this time joined by Jessica and a friend of hers Lauren. They kept to themselves most of the time, snickering to each other inaudibly at times and at least one pair of eyes would point in my direction. That annoyed me and I never returned the attention; it seemed Jessica was just as superficial as she had looked at first sight. The worst part of the day however was when I realized my plans had went kamikaze. Bella Swan’s family entered the room and took their seats at the same table they had yesterday, but she was not with them. I had half dreaded, half looked forward to seeing her again; I didn’t want to see her cold, black possessed stares again, but I wanted answers. And some absurd part of me wanted to watch her walk to her family’s table again, her hair bouncing against her shoulders and that wandering look on her angelic china doll face. Just the way I had seen her yesterday where I was at a distance and couldn’t see clearly how the eyes ruined her face. That was how I distracted myself from Jessica and Lauren’s ridiculous behavior just across the table from me. I inconspicuously waited for Bella Swan to make her entrance; my heart slightly sprinting as I watched each new entrant and also tried to engage in a conversation with Mike about a beach trip he wanted to have. But she never came. I walked to Biology with Mike, Angela, and even Jessica for some reason tagged along, feeling very disappointed. I had been pleased with the gentle but serious approach I had chosen. Somewhere in the back of my mind I wanted to believe that somehow I might still find her sitting at the table in Biology just like yesterday, mysterious and cold. But I didn’t want to hold my breath, and of course I was right to not to, the table was empty. I took my seat with a sigh and yet I was almost glad that she was absent. Jessica sat in Bella Swan’s seat and lingered until class started once again talking about things that I didn’t care about. She would be next on my list to take care of. After school I met Esme at the grocery store to help her with the shopping; she suggested that we make dinner together tonight for some getting to know each other time and I couldn’t turn it down, I needed the distraction. It was too coincidental that Bella Swan would disappear right after the first day she’s had to share her biology seat, and then Jessica made it clear that the cold, possessed way she had looked at me was not normal. It was too stupid and superficial to think that this strange girl hated me without even having said a word to me, and I hated myself for even considering it, but it seemed like something messed up was going on with her. It turned out that Esme was quite skilled in the kitchen, it was a hobby apparently. The edges of my lips curled into a smile as I watched, she had to be the fastest vegetable chopper I have ever seen. I began to enjoy myself talking to her about Chicago and my mother wasn’t quite as hard as I had thought it might be, and it was even interesting hearing about her life; although it got depressing when she told me that she had her last relationship two years ago was abusive, and she lost her new born son not long after that. It had taken her will to live thrown herself off a cliff after the funeral. It made me sad for her, and angry to think that a man could treat a woman like that, how inhuman; and I thought of my mom, what would have happened to her if she had lost me at birth, what must it be like to lose a child? I suddenly understood why she had thrown herself at me at the airport. She had a son again., and I wondered why she would tell me something so intimate but it became clear quickly; when she was found and admitted to the hospital, she was treated by Carlisle. He not only saved her life, but brought her back from the darkness. It was such a nice story. “So how do you like Forks so far?” She asked changing the subject quickly. “It’s…uh small, and very old fashioned. It’s nice.” I responded with partial truth it was the least I could do after hearing her hard story. “Are you having an ok time at school?” she asked. I sighed, and my body almost started to grow slightly cold as that china doll face and cold possessed stare flashed in my mind. That had ruined my mood, and the peacefulness of the bonding. The dinner table was pretty much silent; Esme didn’t say anything else to me after asking me about school. She probably thought I didn’t trust her, especially after she had told her me difficult story. I could tell it had been really hard for her to talk about, it was very traumatic. And yet when something hard for me to talk about came up something not nearly as hard, I kept my mouth shut. It really hadn’t been fair of me. Carlisle kept looking from me to Esme, pausing for several seconds at a time to study his wife’s uncomfortable expression. “Esme, I apologize for my rude behavior earlier.” I said. I couldn’t just ignore the incident, she obviously felt badly. “Oh” she sounded surprised. “Thank you dear, but shouldn’t I be apologizing? I think I may have said something that made you feel uncomfortable.” “No, not at all.” “I’m impressed Son, that’s very mature of you.” Carlisle said. “So how is school going? Have you made any friends?” “A few.” I answered. That image flashed again in my head. I felt stupid dwelling on this, she was just some stuck up, rude girl. It shouldn’t matter to me. “Mike Newton has been friendly.” “Oh yes the Newtons, they own a sporting goods store outside of town, its gets a good amount of business with all the backpackers we get through here.” Carlisle replied. “Do you know the Swan family?” I asked almost as a reflex reaction. Thinking of Mike Newton made me remember how disappointed he too had looked about Bella Swan’s absence in Biology class. But why? He’d already taken his chance and failed. Why would he still care about this girl that obviously disliked him? I was one to talk, very hypocritical of me. “Chief Swan’s family?” Carlisle replied. “Sure, Chief Swan is a great man.” “I just noticed that the kids they…uh…their kind of different, outsiders. People hardly pay them any attention.” I hadn’t quite expected Carlisle to shake his head and sigh in response. “People in this town.” He breathed. “Chief Charlie Swan is a wonderful law enforcer, the best I have ever seen. He should probably be in a much bigger city with a heavy crime rate like New York City. A city like that certainly needs someone like him more than us. We are very lucky to have him here because he and his wife prefer living in a small town. I admit I was concerned when they first moved here about they’re having all those teenagers being so young, but I was pleasantly surprised. They are all wonderful and very mature kids. They’re quiet, well behaved and respectful. I wish I could say that about more of the kids in this town most of whose families have lived here for generations. They are also a model family, they stick together like families should, and hike and camp together all the time. Just because they are new comers doesn’t give people the right to make judgment.” It wasn’t a surprising speech although I had not expected one, it was very Carlisle. The last sentence had made me think again of Bella Swan’s cold stare at me. She sure didn’t have any trouble passing judgment. It seemed like a double standard but I didn’t know if they felt the same way about the way they were judged as Carlisle. Maybe they didn’t mind. “They seemed nice enough to me,” I agreed with my father. “They’re all very attractive.” “You should see the Chief, I have heard female culprits usually go pretty quietly” Carlisle laughed. “It’s a good thing he’s happily married.” “That must make his job somewhat easier.” I laughed with him. Silence then returned to the dinner table. Esme and I washed the dishes by hand together; I could almost see a dinner tradition forming with this routine. I then retired to my bedroom to do my math homework. The rest of the week was uneventful. I had already become pretty much a regular at school, like skipping ahead to two or three years later. I started to see traditions forming in my campus life as well. I continued to sit with Mike and his group and lunch and Jessica would hover over me in the Biology room until just before the bell with her endless chatter. This eventually seemed to get Mike’s attention, I once noticed him watching us almost with suspicion as if he wanted to know if I was attracted to her. I was confused, now he liked her too? Bella Swan still did not show up, and Mike would still watch her seat in Biology like a sick puppy waiting for its owner to come home. That annoyed me, how pigheaded of him. I was just as anxious as her first day of absence all week as I waited for her appearance in the cafeteria, the appearance she never made while Mike and his group chatted about a trip to the La Push first beach that Mike was putting together in two weeks to which I was invited and had accepted. By Friday the anxiousness had finally gone and I didn’t look to the entrance to the cafeteria or biology room once. I considered the idea that she had dropped out of school. ~ I hated the snow. Anything cold and wet was an enemy to me. I was uncomfortable as I sat in the slush, although a lot of that may have been from the blindly hopeful affection pouring out of Jacob a few feet behind me. I shook my head, wishing he would get a clue. “Gotcha!” he shouted and tackled me, pinning me sideways face down in the snow. I shoved him away disgruntled. “Damn it Jacob!” “Come on Bells lighten up. You’ve been all moody since you got here. It’s a drag, have some fun.” Jacob said. “Being tackled into the snow is NOT my idea of fun.” I told him. “So you almost killed some guy?” Jacob sighed dropping himself to the ground beside me, and resting his left arm on his left knee. “You didn’t, isn’t that what’s important? I mean you can’t help it if someone has an awesome sent. It must have taken a lot of strength to resist. That’s an achievement.” “No it’s not.” I replied. I may have won once, but as long as he lived there would still be other chances. “I ran away that is not an achievement, that’s just being a baby.” “Yeah kind of, but you could have killed him right there in front of a classroom full of witnesses.” “I can’t get him off my mind Jake. He doesn’t just smell irresistible, he’s…different.” I said as I sighed and rested my head on his big shoulder. “Why can’t I feel him? It’s frustrating.” I should have kept my mouth shut. It was the wrong thing to say because I felt Jacob fill with irritation and vengeance. “Wait a minute, you mean the guy’s a freak too?” Jacob replied. “Why didn’t you tell me all this in the first place? I ought to go over there and kill him myself now that I know he put you through all that.” His irritation was growing, it was uncomfortable. “Jacob no!” I gasped, groaning at the feeling of his strong irritation. “Calm down. I’m sorry.” He put his arm around me and rubbed my shoulder. He obeyed me, the irritation began to shrink. “So what are you going to do then?” it was still in his voice though. “You can’t go back and let him torture you?” “I also can’t hide from my problems. Otherwise I will just be tempted to go looking for him. As long as he lives there will still be opportunities.” Jacob sighed. “It was so nice having you back Bella. I thought maybe…” he trailed off, the blind hope coming back to him. “I know I’m sorry Jake.” I told him. “I guess you’ve gotta do what you feel is right. But if you ever need someone to get rid of him for you, you know I am always here for you.” He said rocking me in his arms. ~ It snowed on Monday after an empty, rain filled weekend. I was greeted in the parking lot by several people not all of whom I knew but I was polite and waved back at them all. Angela continued to sit next to me in trig and had little to say, but she smiled in my direction every so often. She also kept up her tradition of walking me to gym; honestly she was the only one whose constant company didn’t get boring and a little irritating after a while. “Wow it’s snowing.” She commented when we left the trig room. “It’s about time.” I replied with a chuckle. I seriously felt it was, snow in the winter now that was something in my comfort zone. “Just like back home right?” Angela asked me echoing my thoughts. I smiled at her and nodded. It seemed like the conversation was always about me with her, I suddenly realized that in the week I had been here I didn’t think she had ever once talked about herself with me. “So have you lived here your whole life?” I decided to change that. “Well yeah.” She replied her head had snapped up and she looked at me like she was shocked. “Most of our families in this town have been here for generations. My grandfather bought the house we still live in when he and my grandmother had my mom.” I smiled, with her shyness I had not expected her to elaborate on her answer so much. It was impressive. “Do you have any brothers or sisters?” I continued. “Ah huh, two little brothers, twins.” She answered. “I like taking them to the beach when the weather is nice enough.” I liked learning about her, and from that last answer I realized that she was not only kind and considerate she was selfless. Of course I should have realized from our last conversation that she cared more about others than herself. “Hey Chicago, heads up!” I heard Mike call somewhere behind me as Angela and I neared the gym, and seconds later a cold, hard object smacked me in the side of the head, wetting my hair. I shook the remnant ice chunks from my hair, and bent to the ground. I gathered up the biggest snow ball I could hold and chucked it at Mike. It smacked almost the entire length of the side of his face, and I laughed at my success. “Whoa, the guys got an arm!” I heard Tyler Crowley comment from Mike’s side. “But check this out!” He gathered a snow ball and aimed it at my gut. It managed to knock me to the ground laughing. “Edward, are you ok?” Angela chuckled and offered me her hand. “Of course, its only snow.” I replied and tossed one back at Tyler. The nasally buzz of the bell than sounded and Mike had to relinquish a snow ball he had gathered to take his turn. “We’re totally picking this up after school!” Mike declared as he and Tyler ran off. “Well, I will see you at lunch then Edward.” Angela said and turned away, as I pushed the door to the gym open. I walked to lunch with Mike and Tyler alertly, after we chucked a few more snow balls at each other. We were not the only ones, snow was flying everywhere. Jessica caught up with us in the cafeteria, her hair wet obviously she had participated in a snow ball fight as well. Mike started telling her about the one outside the gym as we got in line for our food. All of a sudden a habit I thought had died rose within me; I glanced behind me at the table at the far corner of the cafeteria. My eyes widened, the Swan family table was full again; she had come back! “Hey Edward?” Mike said elbowing me. I was getting that feeling again that her cold possessed stare had given me last week, that stupid superficial feeling that made me feel like an idiot. “What’s up, what do you want?” “Is something wrong with him?” Jessica asked as I got a shiver down my spine. “No, I’m fine.” I answered, “I’ll just have a soda today.” “Aren’t you hungry?” Jessica asked. “My stomach feels kind of crumby actually.” I admitted. Lack of food was probably why though, I only ate a proper meal at dinner and I knew it was stupid of me especially being the son of a doctor. I really should start bringing my own food to school; part of the reason was that the school food was terrible. I waited for them to buy their food and decided to grab an apple myself; fruit was fruit after all no matter where it came from. I ended up just fingering it on the table however as my stomach churned. Jessica asked how I was feeling an unnecessary number of times and with an unnecessary amount of concern in her voice as the icing on the cake, and I started to get annoyed. I kept holding the apple halfway to my mouth, and staring at it, considering taking a bite but then I would think of her and wonder if she was looking at me behind my back and my stomach would churn again. Finally I let myself have a glance at the Swan table. Jasper, Emmett, and Alice were all laughing, their hair wet with slush. Rosalie beside Emmett leaned away from him, as he shook his dripping hair out all over her direction; they were enjoying the snow as much as everyone else. Besides the playfulness there was a great contrast to them from the way I saw them last week, but I couldn’t place it. I studied Bella the closest; I wouldn’t have known without seeing it that it was possible but her skin was actually paler, but that may have been due to the fact that the bruise like bags under her eyes were hardly there anymore to darken her complexion. She was probably also flushed by the cold. But that wasn’t it; there was something more, what was it? “Edward, what are you staring at?” Mike broke my concentration as I was deep into my study analyzing my living breathing poem. He knew though, there was something in his voice, a slightly rude something that sounded like: What are doing staring at my girl? At that moment, as if beckoned her eyes flitted up and met mine. As a reflex reaction I jerked around, toying with my apple again, but even just seeing her gaze for an instant it didn’t seem at all cold or hateful as it was last week. She seemed to have that familiar blush of curiosity that I had seen once for just a moment on that first day we analyzed each other in the very same spots. But the wrinkle in her brow made her curiosity seemed unsatisfied. “Whoa,” Mike whispered sounding baffled, “Dude, Bella Swan is staring at you.” “Does she look angry?” I couldn’t help asking. “Ah no, why... Should she be?” Mike sounded protective like I was implying that I had upset her. “No. I don’t think she likes me, although we haven’t properly met.” I answered. My stomach felt like crap, and I lay back in my chair, my head lolling against the top of the chair’s back. “Don’t take it personally man, the Swans don’t like anybody…or rather they don’t give anyone a chance, they don’t talk or hang out with anyone but each other…and she’s still staring at you what the heck?” Mike explained, he seemed to notice with puzzlement how his last statement contradicted the rest of his explanation. “Stop looking at her!” I hissed; he was starting to irritate me. He had this ‘If I can’t have her nobody can’ attitude about her; it felt like he was secretly stalking her with his mind or something. I didn’t like that, in fact it made me mad; what an odd thing to feel, what the hell was wrong with me? I lifted my head enough to make sure he obeyed as he scoffed at me rudely. Jessica then cut in to declare the ultimate battle of the blizzard after school which Mike and I eagerly agreed to take part in; the way Mike looked at her suggested that he would follow her anywhere making me feel that odd feeling even more. Damn it, Edward chill, I told myself. It was very inappropriate of him to have such an attraction to both girls, but why did I care? I didn’t look back at the Swan table for the rest of lunch, but my stomach did some freaky flip thing at the thought of sitting next to her in biology again. When I left to walk to the classroom with Mike and Jessica as retinue, we all groaned in disappointment: Ultimate battle of the blizzard cancelled on account of rain. I had been looking forward to creaming Mike, but the snow would completely disappear by the time school was out as the rain slowly washed it away. OK sorry folks, Livejournal keeps telling me post too large, so I guess I have to split this chapter into two, BS. errg. :P
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| Siren - Twilight Reversed |
[20 Feb 2009|01:18am] |
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Ok so I am starting this new fic that I hope to actually finished, I am really into it right now. It's a Twilight fic of course, still on that kick. Its the original story, but with the main roles switch. Edward is the human and Bella is the vampire. Here is the first chapter. You should know I tell the story from both character's point of views. This ~ symbol indicates when the point of view is changing.
1. Poetry in Motion For someone my age death is too far off to consider, so you don’t. But that doesn’t mean that it still can’t find you, it can! It found me, or maybe I found it, voluntary death in the place of someone you love is quite different. I believed it to be the best way to go, noble even. I wasn’t afraid as the huntress crept closer to me, eyes boring into my heart anxious to stop it. Her approach was slow because she got a thrill from the suspense, the look on my face, my labored last breaths, the invisible fear she could probably smell seeping from my pores. Ok so I was afraid, but it was not important. But one thing kept me from regretting the decision to leave home, the flutter of the butterfly’s wings that began the typhoon halfway around the world. Until then it was no more than sacrifice, the importance of my mother’s happiness over my own. Without me, there was nothing keeping her away from her new husband’s side while he was on the road. Despite her worrying, smothering nature I doubt she could deny the smile that crossed her middle aged features when I told her that I would live with my father so that she could travel with Edward. My heart sank as I spent my last moments with her in the airport terminal, in her loving arms. It wasn’t my first last moments in her arms. She practically clutched me for dear life in the driveway like time would stand still as long as she needed which knowing my mother would probably be eternity. My mom and I were almost nothing alike but could almost be twins. We had the same green eyes, and almost the same bronze hair. Inside I had more of my father. “Elizabeth, you’re going to suffocate the boy, and he’ll be late, let’s get a move on!” Edward had broken the time warp and brought us back to earth, where no one had eternity. “Call me as soon as you land.” She requested urgently and crushed her lips to my cheek. She wasn’t exactly thrilled about her only son flying across the country alone, especially since 9/11. “I’ll be fine mom,” I told her and kissed her back. In her eyes it looked like she had already gotten the news of the plane crashing into the side of a building, no survivors. I squeezed her passionately and kissed her again. “Mom, they’ve gone crazy with new security since the twin towers, there is even a luggage weight limit now. Nothing is going to happen.” I assured her. “Of course, they say flying is the safest mode of long distance travel.” She replied acting like she had no idea why I thought she would worry. I laughed in spite of myself; I would miss that about her. “What did I say honey?” she asked as of course it wouldn’t be obvious why I laughed. There was a tear in her voice, and it released from her right eye. I reached out and caught it with my thumb. I slept through most of the trip, and read for about the last half trying desperately not to think about where I was going: Forks, Washington. It was one of those small tight-nit little towns you see on TV where everyone knows each other like one big family or something. The population was 3,120 people, now 3,121. My father was Carlisle, the towns’ most renowned doctor that looks more like a male model. He too had recently remarried and today I would meet her for the first time. I couldn’t say I was excited; I was pretty much already meeting Carlisle for the first time. It had been fourteen years since I was last in Forks; I used to come for a couple weeks every summer, and for every other Christmas. After I stopped coming, I used to get a few letters here and there but those eventually stopped too. She was probably why; I had heard nothing about her until I arranged moving in with him. I couldn’t say I was too mad, until now my long lost father’s love life really hadn’t been any of my business. He had been amazingly welcoming of the idea of my coming to live with him, excited even. He had bombarded Elizabeth with questions to help him put together my room so that I would feel at home, and said he had a surprise homecoming gift for me. My legs were stiff, and my back sore from sitting on the plane for so long, but the relief wouldn’t last. The airport was an hour out of forks, there was still a car ride ahead of me. I found Carlisle easily, the airport was small and his new wife’s face lit up as soon as he pointed me out. She had a very kindly, Virgin Mary face and her arms coming up over her heart as she watched me walk over to meet them only enhanced the image. “Edward!” she delightfully cooed. “It’s so wonderful to finally meet you. I’m Esme.” She took me in a hug, light and soft yet very motherly. It almost reminded me of being in my mother’s arms. Her hair smelled like strawberries and cream and her lips were as soft as her embrace as she kissed my forehead. Her touch was oddly comforting. Carlisle had a magazine photo smile at the sight of this first meeting going so well. Carlisle lived in pretty much the nicest house in Forks. It sat alone pretty much surrounded by woods, no close neighbors. For a house that appeared so small, it somehow held three bedrooms (The extra bedroom was used for emergency treatments what with the possibility of something happening to a person in the woods. Carlisle himself was closer than the hospital. I guess it’s better to be safe than sorry I thought, understanding.), Carlisle’s study and two bathrooms so that I could have my own. Thank goodness for little favors. My bedroom was a few steps from my bathroom, it was small barely fitting a shelf full of books and CD’s and a bed sitting across from a dresser next to the back window. “I hope everything is alright, and I certainly hope your mother got your favorites right.” Carlisle told me as he steered his eyes across the shelves. “Yeah it’s fine.” I replied as I collapsed on the bed relieved to finally be able to stretch my body out after all the sitting. The good thing about Carlisle was that he didn’t hover or pry, I just wanted to relax. ~ Everyone knew the myth that cats have nine lives; but no one knew that I have more lives than all the cats on the planet. We have been to so many places and have had to do the same exact thing in all of them. My brothers and sisters didn’t seem quite as put off by it as I did. Perhaps that was because they had each other; Emmett and Rosalie, Alice and Jasper, even my parents Charlie and Renee. I wanted to sleep, so that I could travel to a different world, maybe even the world I should have been in where I belonged. Sometimes I wanted what Tuck in Natalie Babbitt’s Tuck Everlasting had, to dream of being in heaven and never having heard of Forks. When I wasn’t putting on the act I was usually in my room reading that book, I must have read it hundreds of times. So you can’t call it living what we got, we just are! That one simple line held so much power for me, so much meaning. I always read that line at least ten times. It was a story that made you see that the world truly wasn’t as simple as it seemed. But people were, all the same things were supposed to happen to all of them; birth, development, maturity, love, marriage, children, grandchildren, death. It was a good thing though. It was a cycle, like mine except for them it always began again differently, with different people on different paths. This town was even simpler than its people, nothing real interesting ever happened here. But it was our favorite place; there was hardly any sun which was a huge contrast to my previous life. It was fuzzy but I remember it was the cold I used to hate. I don’t hate the sun though; it just removed my mask and revealed that I was different. “Hey Bella lets go, time for round three hundred and sixty four huh?” My older brother Emmett challenged one March morning before school. He and I always arm wrestled as many times as possible in each new place we settled, and whoever won the most would be king or queen of that location. I was queen of Alaska our last home, and our last three homes before that, Rome, Brazil, and Paris. Whenever we moved back somewhere we had been before the current ruler would have to fight to keep their land. “Washington is so mine!” I insisted planting my elbow on the kitchen counter. It was already Emmett’s from last time we were here, and not that I wanted it, but I was still smug after almost ten years after loosing Stratford-Upon-Avon, England, I had really wanted that one. Emmett hooted in his teasing little way. He certainly wasn’t going to cop to being a three time loser. He was king of his own little world where he was always better no matter what. “Careful now, we’ve already been through four kitchen tables this year.” Charlie warned. Emmett appeared to have ignored him, but I could feel the kick he had gotten out of his lack of enthusiasm, I had to laugh myself. Ooh he sounds angry don’t cross big bad Charlie! I would have expected Emmett to tease. That was Charlie. I slammed Emmett’s hand down in two minutes and he groaned in defeat. “Way to go Bells, my sis the bear trap!” Rosalie hooted as we high fived. “Not funny babe!” Emmett replied he was teasing as always but there was just a hint of seriousness in there. I understood why that would have stung. “Lose like a man Emmett, oops wait, a man wouldn’t lose to a girl!” I teased and laughed at my own joke. Emmett tackled me to the ground in response. I kept laughing. That was the thing I loved about Emmett he gave me something to laugh about every morning that made starting the day a little less like a chore. With the morning match finished, Alice and I disappeared to dress for school as we usually did. It was like trying on clothes in a department store dressing room. I had to meet her in the hall and make sure she liked my outfit; she was obsessed with making sure I was presentable to the world. I couldn’t care less but I would never take from her something she got joy from. ~ I got little sleep that night; after having slept on the plane I wasn’t tired, and spent most of the night punching and throwing around my pillow to get out my anger of having to be in this stupid place. Carlisle couldn’t be there in the morning because he got up early to be at the hospital but being the kindly caretaker that he was, he thought of me before he left, and taped a note to my door. Edward, I am sorry to leave you alone with Esme after you have only known her for less than a day. I am thrilled that you had a good meeting, and she is very kind and understanding and wants to do what makes you comfortable only. And have a good first day of school. - Dad I inhaled a cup of coffee to wash away the fatigue that resulted from the mostly sleepless night, and made breakfast for Esme. I wasn’t hungry and Esme was a little annoying trying to insist that my instinct from having done a lot of the cooking for Elizabeth was unnecessary and that I eat something. I was anxious to get my first day of Fork’s high school over with, not only would it be annoying enough playing catch-up it being the middle of the semester, but no doubt I would be mobbed for being the new guy and I was sure the shiny silver Volvo that Carlisle had bought me (my surprise homecoming gift) which I would be arriving in wouldn’t really make matters any better. Esme wished me a good day but this time did not come near me to hug or kiss me. She seemed to look almost embarrassed about having thrown herself at me at the airport; she had bitten her lip nervously as she bid me goodbye. I took this to mean that she was respecting my space and wanted me to get to know her before anymore shows of affection. More little favors, her touch that I had found comforting, I realized reminded me of why I was here where I didn’t want to be. The school wasn’t hard to find, it was just off the high way and like any other building in the city. So naturally it didn’t properly present itself as a school. I would have dismissed it if not for the sign, the only thing that made a point of telling everyone it was Fork’s high school. I was early so I was not sure if the parking lot was deserted because of that or it was off-limits. I wouldn’t take my chances and just ask directions. I got out and walked up to a door labeled ‘Front Office’, for my schedule. The office was much brighter than the weather, it was brightly lit and warm just like a contradictory sunny day to the rain outside. There were a lot of plants, a few padded chairs and a long desk that cut the room in half. At the desk was a red haired woman in glasses and a purple shirt. She took a few seconds to notice my presence. “May I help you?” she asked me. “I’m Edward Cullen,” I figured it was all she needed because of course the coming of the good doctor’s mysterious son had to be a huge subject in the entire small city. I was right, her face lit up almost immediately. “Edward Cullen, Dr. Cullen’s son of course.” She replied delightfully and pulled some papers out of her file cabinet. “I have your schedule right here and a map of the school. I will also need you to have each of your teachers sign this slip and then bring it back to me at the end of the day.” She showed me the easy routes to each of my classrooms on the map and wished me well and that I would like Forks. Sorry no luck there. When I left the office, I followed other arriving students to the appropriate parking lot. I could feel my cheeks burning with blood as I pulled in. Right again of course; my Volvo was the flashiest car in whole damn parking lot. I was headed for a reputation as a stuck up rich guy for sure. I sighed and studied the map until I had a good idea of where I would be going before I got out of my car. There were eyes on me immediately, and I didn’t meet any of them as I made my way to my first class. The classrooms were well labeled so the trigonometry room was not hard to find. I gave my new guy slip to the teacher Mr. Varner and he had me introduce myself to the class before I was allowed to take a seat near the back. I could feel eyes boring into me as I made my way down the isle. I would have thought that being in the back would make me harder to stare at, wrong. There were still stares, and I could swear I saw a look on one of the faces that clearly said: Wonder what’s wrong with him, this town not good enough for Mr. fancy car!? I had to admit this school had certainly demoted me; there was nothing the teacher was saying that I didn’t already know well. A right triangle is completely determined by angles. So when one of the angles is known, the ratios of other angles are always the same regardless of the total size of the triangle. The ratios are determined using the trigonometric functions, the sin function, the cosine function, and the tangent function. All too familiar, I remembered this although I had been in calculus back home. Let’s see the sin was the side opposite the angle to the hypotenuse, the cosine was the adjacent angle and the tangent was the angle opposite the adjacent angle. My mind had beaten the lecture of course as if I had read his mind. He had taken a pause between explanations to draw a triangle on the board and labeled the areas and matching functions as he spoke them. When the bell rang a tall framed small girl with light brown hair leaned over the aisle with a smile to talk to me. “Hi you’re Edward Cullen aren’t you?” she asked kindly. “Yeah.” “Where is your next class?” she asked. It was a weird question at first thought, but I realized that she must be offering to show me where to go. That was unnecessary my next destination was the only class that didn’t take place in a classroom. “Gym” I answered. “Oh that’s easy to find I’ll show you.” she offered. Right again, I began to notice how my intuition was on a role today. Not a strike yet. The people were just as simple as this town; it wasn’t hard to figure pretty much anything out. “I’m Angela.” We gathered our jackets and things together; I decided to keep that her help was unnecessary to myself it seemed like the more polite thing to do. “You’re from Chicago right? It must be very different for you here in a much smaller city. I could only imagine the transition that must be.” She commented as we walked out of the trig room and back into the increased rain. I was actually slightly comforted by this comment, how kind that she revolved this conversation around me. I was pretty sure most anyone else would have mostly tried to tell me about themselves, the school or the town. Or at least have worded the same subject more judgmentally. But this Angela was trying to sympathize with my situation. It made me feel slightly better about sticking out, and gave me a spark of hope for this town. “Forks is so simple in comparison; less than half Chicago’s population and seemingly few various cultures. And far too wet.” I told her truthfully. “It doesn’t rain there a lot?” she asked puzzled probably because of Chicago’s well known nickname ‘The Windy City’. “Not in the winter, there is usually snow. Chicago’s winters are actually warmer than its summers, it’s the summer when we get the rain and thunderstorms are common.” I answered. “Wow,” she simply said. Wow was right; did the people of Forks not get around much? Or watch the weather channel? It wasn’t long before she stopped us in front of a door and said “Well this is the gym, good luck Edward. Forks is a nice place to live. Maybe it will grow on you.” Again I had to admire her wording, ‘maybe it will grown on you’, a suggestion rather than ‘I hope you’ll like it’ which made it sound like an obligation. I thanked her and we parted ways. The rest of the morning was alright, Mr. Varner the trig teacher had been the only one so far to have me introduce myself in front of class. I began to recognize faces, and there was always one braver than the rest who would introduce themselves to me and ask the same questions about how I was liking Forks and such, and I tried to be diplomatic but I mostly lied to give them answers they wanted which would quiet them that much faster. This boy Mike from my American History class walked with me to the cafeteria at lunch hour, he was very chatty, he didn’t need a living breathing conversation partner, he supplied most of it himself. I only listened half and pretended half as he droned on about having lived in California as a child and so understood moving somewhere completely new and different. I sat with him at the end of a table with a group of his friends, Tyler Crowley, Ben Starky, and Eric Yorkie. The pleasant girl Angela had joined us as well; she was the friendliest person I had met all day. Everyone seemed impressed with both her and Mike’s bravery in speaking to me, more so Angela probably because she was a girl which I found a bit rude. I hardly touched the tray in front of me although I thought of Esme’s worried tone and prying when I didn’t eat breakfast and Carlisle being a doctor would probably have an earful for me if I continued with the crash diet, so I nibbled a very greasy looking grilled cheese from the cafeteria menu that tasted as unappetizing as it looked. I mostly stuck to sipping my coke and left an apple forgotten on my tray. I tried to make polite conversation with this group of strangers I sat with, and that is when they entered the room and right away snatched my attention. There were five of them, two boys and three girls; they strutted in like they owned the place not sparing a single glance at anyone but each other. A tall blonde that looked like a model out of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition walked along side a big muscular dark haired guy, and the other guy a honey blond with a very serious expression that seemed glued to his face walked with a tiny fairy like girl with deep black hair all over the place who moved like she was in a ballet. The last girl held my attention the most tightly. I had never seen anything like her in my life. She walked with an angelic like grace and a wondrous stare as if she felt lost. They all had the exact same skin and eyes. On her the skin was a huge contrast to her long wavy dark brown hair, so light, pale even almost disturbing. The eyes were dark, and below them hung bruise like shadows like they hadn’t slept in days. But somehow, maybe because it was so different, it was fascinating. Everything about her sounded like a poem in my head. They all sat at a far table, and didn’t look at anybody or anything in particular, like they were in their own world. “What are they!?” I asked Mike. He looked behind me to see who I meant and the last girl, possibly the youngest by the looks of it glanced up at him, but quickly switched targets and singled in on me. I met her gaze for a split second and she looked away again in a flash. From what I had seen those dark eyes had not taken in an ounce of interest it was almost like she wordlessly answering a call of her name. “Those are the Swans.” He answered. “Bella the fox, Alice the little one, Jasper the serious looking guy and his twin sister Rosalie the blond, and Emmett the muscular one. They’re Chief Charlie Swan and his wife’s foster kids.” I glanced sideways at the youngest girl, the beautiful one. She was picking at a bagel with her fingers and moving her mouth very quickly like she were having some kind of strange almost silent whispering conversation with the others. She didn’t spare me another glance. “They are very…nice looking.” I commented not knowing what else to say but I wanted to keep the conversation going because I wanted to know more. “Yes.” Mike answered with enthusiasm almost like we were a couple of gossiping girls. “But they are all together, like together-together. Rosalie and Emmett and Jasper and Alice are like items even though they live together. It’s kind of weird.” “They’re all fosters?” I asked, it explained why they all looked nothing alike except for the skin and eyes. The blond twins had a resemblance though I guess they kind of had to seeing as they were actually related. “No, I think the Hale twins; Jasper and Rosalie are Mrs. Swan’s niece and nephew. She and the Chief took them in when they were eight. I think they are really young too, Chief Swan is like in his thirties or something.” “The Chief and his wife are a very kind couple to take in so many kids; especially if they are so young.” “Yeah, but I think Mrs. Swan can’t have kids.” Mike suggested. “How long have they been around?” I wondered aloud. “They moved here about two years ago from somewhere in Alaska.” He answered. They were a beautiful family in both the appearance and it seemed the heart sense and yet they clearly didn’t fit in; it was sad. I looked over again to examine them trying to figure out why no one here seemed to like them and the young girl met my gaze again, this time curiosity lightly shaded her pale face almost like a blush, it was cute. “Who is the youngest dark haired girl?” I asked. I peeked at her again from the corner of my eye and she was still looking at me but now there was frustration in her face, shading in her cheeks darker; I laughed quietly, still cute. “That’s Bella.” Mike answered with awe in his voice. “She’s gorgeous of course, but don’t hold your breath man. She’s never given anyone the time of day; clearly no one in Forks is good enough for her or else she’s just a loner. Believe me I am one of quite a few who have tried.” Her face was turned away from me now, but her cheek was slightly lifted as if she were secretly smiling. They all got up and discarded their trays; nothing on them was ever touched and left the cafeteria with as much grace as when they entered it. Others were starting to leave as well. I stayed in my seat for longer than I probably should have just watching them. The one called Bella didn’t look at me again. It turned out that Angela had Biology II with me next class so I walked with her pretty much in silence this time. I realized she must be shy and so it really had taken some bravery on her part to talk to me the first time. She looked at me a couple of times like she wanted to say something but then always took it back. ~ Well, I wanted something new to happen and wish granted. He was so oblivious, he had tons of speechless attractions drenching him from several of the females in the school but he never responded at all. Maybe he didn’t care; he did seem a little uncomfortable trying to make meaningless conversation with the other boys. I was surprised however to see him leave the cafeteria with the Weber girl. Were they friends, did he find her attractive? I surprised myself by having to ask, but for the first time in almost ninety years I actually didn’t know. I paid careful attention as he was given the local gossip about the Swans; it was my job to monitor people’s reactions. That annoying Mike still had so much puppy adoration pouring out of him when he mentioned my name it was like trying to cringe away from his arm going around me or his hand trying to brush a piece of hair from my eyes. But there was nothing from the new guy, I was swimming in feelings all over the room, none of them seemed like they were for me although I was sure several were, but I repelled mental aims. But the new guy might as well have not been there, somehow something was blocking him from my signal, I couldn’t get inside him. “So what’s the verdict is he scared yet?” Emmett asked. “I…I don’t know.” I stammered embarrassed. What was going on here? I was completely perplexed, why couldn’t I feel him? I could only hope he felt the way he was supposed to, the way everyone felt about us. I may have been attractive but something in people told them to keep away just the same; for the boys who asked me out that something was probably the rejection. Not one has ever tried to ask a second time. I entered the Biology room, and took my usual seat feeling Mr. Banner’s hopeless attraction as I passed him; I flashed him a polite smile and he shivered inside. He was ridiculous, as were they all but reacted like he was supposed to. Idiot, she’s a student! Too young, very inappropriate! The hopelessness was strong, powerful and kept him in reality and safety. The other students filed in and sat with a partner at each of the tables, as always mine remained un-joined. Then as if the universe was trying to tell me something he walked in. The Weber girl smiled at him apologetically and pointed to where she already had a seat with a partner. He approached Mr. Banner and handed him a slip of paper and the hot air from the heater vent hit him as he passed; the death of me! My whole world went into a holocaust right at that moment, and it took all my power not to jump out of my seat and grab him. I was so furious, I had a good streak going I had put the monster I used to be to rest and I was finally able to have a life, and now this stupid jerk walks in out of nowhere and raises her from the grave. I was a vampire, and he had the sweetest, most irresistible blood I have smelled in ninety years. Mr. Banner was uneasy as well and I realized that the empty seat next to me was the only one free. Poor guy, I thought. It’s not like he deserved this. Every inch closer he stepped towards me just made it worse. An involuntary gasp left my burning throat. I scooted away from him when he sat down, and he looked strait at me as if throwing out a silent accusation. Quit looking at me! What is your problem!? As if he had heard my thoughts, he opened his notepad and propped it up in front of him, hiding his face. How was he feeling now, now that he was sitting right next to me? It didn’t matter anymore; I started planning his death in my head, going over different scenarios. Everyone has slip-ups right? I know Emmett had had this moment twice before in his life and he gave in, and Charlie was understanding perhaps too understanding, he probably wouldn't have a problem packing us up at a moments notice and running us the hell out of here. But who should go first, the jerk or the rest of them? ~ I looked to the seat Mr. Banner pointed out to me, the last open seat, and I couldn’t believe my eyes. She was there! Bella Swan, that walking piece of poetry from that family of rejects. I was confused; she stared at me coldly then got all tense in her seat as I approached to take the one next to her. Is she in a pissy mood today or something? She Scooted away from me and as an automatic impulse I lifted my arm and inhaled my own sent, I was showered, and wearing deodorant like any decent human being, what was with this girl? Did she maybe have some kind of mental disorder that makes her freak out being near people, maybe her whole family did and that's why they all kept their distance? Her reaction was a little too much to be simply painfully shy. She kept staring at me though even as I buried my face in my notebook, and I noticed for the first time that her eyes were black, jet black! I focused on the class and the lecture, unfortunately I had already studied cellular anatomy but listened pretending it was new to me, and taking notes as best as I could in my erect notebook, tilting it slightly to write but enough to keep the wall up between us. I couldn’t help taking a peek every so often at the strange but fascinating girl beside me. Her hand resting on her lap was clenched hard into a fist; her form was like a china doll not a muscle in her body moved. The forearms of her light red sweater shirt were pushed up and from what I could see there was something about the way her arm responded to the fist that looked like there was fighting experience there. I had to take a deep breath to swallow back a laugh at the thought of this little china doll girl in a fight; she looked so fragile. This had to be the longest class of the day, and I began to worry about her she still kept that china doll form to the point that it didn’t look like she was breathing, what was wrong with her? I ventured the mental disorder possibility again, was she having a panic attack? Was this how she normally was around people? I peeked at her one last time, but she still looked at me like I was the jerk that had just broken up with her badly. Why was she so angry? And why did she wordlessly treat me like I was the source? Damn if looks could kill… The bell rang then, and Bella Swan rose from her seat with that poetic like grace and pretty much flew out of the room before anyone else had gotten out of their seats. I was frozen; I could feel my own fist forming as I stared after the invisible trail her presence left. I took a frustrated breath, for someone so graceful and fascinating she was quite rude. I swallowed my anger, and gathered my things for my last class of the day, scoffing her discarded aura off. “Hey, Edward Cullen right?” a wildly curly brown haired girl asked walking up beside me, she was smiling excitedly. “Yes.” I answered. “I’m Jessica.” She said. “Hello Jessica,” I greeted glad to be once again talking to someone who didn’t judge me before they even spoke a word to me. “Do you need help finding your next class?” she asked. “I am going to Spanish, but I think I can find it.” I answered. “Oh my God you must be in my class!” she gasped excitedly. She wasn’t as pleasant as Angela, very gossipy, a good match it seemed for Mike and just as I had expected of everyone before meeting Angela Jessica was going on and on about teachers and classes. I put my pretend listening ears back on that is until we entered the Spanish room. “So did you spill something on Bella Swan’s pretty little red sweater or something? I watched you both leave the biology room, and I have never seen that look on her face before.” She asked. I made a fist again, that answered one of my earlier personal questions perfectly. Apparently Bella Swan didn’t usually treat people like that. It made me mad all over again, some of it at this Jessica for bringing it up. “She was the one that was first out of the room right? I think she sat by me.” I replied playing dumb hoping that she knew more of the answers to my personal questions. “Yeah, she was out like right when the bell rang, it took about a minute before anyone else followed.” She answered, “It looked like she was in pain or something.” “I don’t know what happened,” I told her, “I never spoke to her.” Jessica shook her head. “She’s a weird girl; I bet any other girl on campus would have flipped to be your biology partner.” She closed the conversation and took her seat a few rows from mine. I rolled my eyes, she was a little weird too, and her admiration or more like drooling was clear. If anything that conversation had fanned the flame of my irritation. Elizabeth and Edward’s wedding was in Spain, and she and I had studied the language together for the trip enough to have a short conversation about the wedding and to ask basic questions. Most of it I still remembered as we went over the past tense conjugations of verbs. It was the reason I was allowed in the class in the middle of the semester. There was then a continuation of an assignment begun yesterday. The students had paired up and were given a short skit in Spanish to memorize and perform in front of the class. I was excused from this assignment since I came in late and most pairs were presenting today. So I just sat the whole time and watched as most students fumbled with at least two sentences per skit; mostly mispronouncing words rather than forgetting lines. Jessica glanced at me a couple of times including during her skit and I was sure that she thought I didn’t notice. When the final bell rang I walked back to the front office to return my new guy paperwork, but the minute I stepped inside I nearly turned around and walked right back out. Bella Swan stood at the receptionist desk with her back to me, her curtain of dark brown hair unmistakable. She was having a low voiced argument of some kind with the motherly receptionist Mrs. Cope. I couldn’t hear most of it obviously but the gist was that she was trying to transfer out of sixth hour Biology. I specifically managed to grasp ‘any other time’. I tried not to growl because she had seemed not to notice my entrance and I didn’t need a scene. Even based on what Jessica had revealed, I hadn’t done anything to this strange girl we hadn’t even spoken a word to each other. Something else must have made her angry in Biology. She had always sat alone at that table it seemed; and again I went back to the mental disorder, maybe this was about her not liking being near people. Perhaps she wanted to switch into a class where she could have the table to herself again. That had to be it, or something like it. The door to the office opened again sending in a blanket of wind that pushed around the papers on the bulletin board. A girl had stepped in to place a note into the wire basket on the desk and then left again. Bella Swan’s back stiffened then, and finally she acknowledged my presence, as she turned and glared when she caught sight of me, the same cold bad-breakup stare from Biology. Her face was absurdly beautiful but those eyes were so hate-filled, they didn’t seem to belong with the rest of the visage. It made the china doll image look possessed. For an instant it freaked me out, even only having lasted a second, it sent more of a chill down my spine than the wind. I wanted to call a damn exorcist. Her freaky little episode passed as mysteriously as it had started and she turned back to the receptionist. “Never mind then.” It was the first time I had heard her speak since first laying eyes on her. Her voice was very angelic; every word came out like the lyrics of a song. “I can see that it’s impossible, I won’t trouble you any further, thank you for trying.” She turned and floated out the door without another look at me. I walked up to the desk and handed the receptionist my new guy paper acting like I had no idea who the girl that was just there was, and for all anyone in that office knew I truly didn’t. “Did you have a good first day dear?” she asked very motherly like. “Yes it was fine.” I answered. She seemed to catch my lie however didn’t respond to it. My Volvo was almost the last car in the lot when I reached it. In Chicago it would have been a perfectly normal car to own, and so it was almost like having a piece of home with me. I started the engine and turned on the heater before I pulled out to head back to Carlisle’s house, trying the whole way not to think about how lucky Bella Swan was that she had left sooner or she might have left with a dented bumper.
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Just because I have some Alice in me and I can see some confusion,
Bella's gift is empathy as well as her mental shield. I needed her to have something Edward could be the exception to as Bella is to him in the original. Now here is the confusing thing. Her mental shield allows her to block the effects of all feelings targeted at her, for example Mike's attraction. But Edward is the exact opposite, she can't feel him but later you see that his affection for her pours into her and changes her life, without her realizing that that is what it is of course.
chapter 2 in progress. Information on Trig and Chicago information because I am a Math dunce and have hardly been away from California came from Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trigonometery
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chicago#Tourism
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Chapter 2: MPD
http://thewolfsmoon.livejournal.com/7007.html
http://thewolfsmoon.livejournal.com/7287.html
Chapter 3: Pandora's Box:
http://thewolfsmoon.livejournal.com/9691.html
http://thewolfsmoon.livejournal.com/9858.html
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| Incomplete V2 |
[06 Feb 2009|05:13pm] |
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Let Me Go - Three Doors Down |
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OK so remember that first Twilight banner with the 'Incomplete" lyrics? Well I have been thinking about it on occasions, and I just decided that I didn't like how it came out and just had this urge to make a new one.
So last night I did it. And was too lazy to upload it until now hehe.
![[image]](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v140/angel624/Twilight/Incompletev2.jpg)
Ehh some of the images didn't behave appropriately, but oh well I think this one is loads better.
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| Bring Me to Life |
[02 Feb 2009|11:25pm] |
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Ok So I have been working on this short Twilight fic for weeks. It was hard to do but I am proud of it. It is a prelude story of Edward when he was changed into a vampire. Inspired by the song Bring Me to Life by Evanescence and a line from the book. I just heard the long and got this vivid vision in my head. Hope it is liked.
Reference: New Moon pg. 39-41, Breaking Dawn pg. 375-386 Twilight fanfic inspired by Bring Me to Life by Evanescence For almost ninety years I’ve walked among my kind, and yours… all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren’t alive yet.
Edward Cullen, Twilight, Chapter 14, p.304 Life’s end didn’t feel so bad when it was fated to come. It’s taken many already in its embrace, only the pure part, the soul leaving lifeless bodies behind so that those who still lived were reminded of what they had lost. I could almost see it searching, always searching for its next victim, and wondered when it would be my turn. I felt alone, I pretty much was alone. My father had already been a victim, and I seemed to be in line before my mother. Despite the pale faced doctor’s plea she weakened herself trying desperately to nurse me back to health ignoring that she suffered the same as me. Sometimes she even came to my bedside just to stroke my hair, and my cheeks pleading for me to hold on, to stay out of death’s reach. I’ve heard that people have seen their lives flash before their eyes in times of near death, but the life I had dreamed of and now could never have was what flashed before mine. I saw myself in uniform, armed and on the attack ready to defend my country. I had dreamed so often of having that honor, to be a hero. Frightening as it was, the glory is what made it all worthwhile to any man. Or maybe they feared being a coward more than death it was hard to tell. My poor mother always dreaded the thought, and always prayed every night before dinner for this horrid war to end. She got her wish as she lay dying beside me; I had never been out there. I saw something else I would never get to do, find love. I couldn’t see myself with anyone. I had never really thought about it before in health, it wasn’t something I desired at this time in my life. But now that I never would my life all of a sudden seemed so short, empty, like I had not accomplished anything but wasting a body and breath. I saw myself, my face paled and wrinkled. I wore glasses and walked slowly and with struggle; a cane was in one hand for support. The bronze had faded from my hair into a silver-gray like the moon in the night sky. Maybe I would have a beard to match. I sat alone on a porch swing, reading a book. There were so many people around my mother and I; also waiting in line for death to take them. I wondered what they all thought about as they traveled down the one way dead end road, did they fear leaving this earth or did they see it as a blessing, a way out? I occupied myself by looking at their expressions and guessing their thoughts. The first to catch my attention was an older gentleman; most being struck by the influenza were young, I was seventeen, and middle aged around the forties was the oldest. So he seemed to have been dealt a bad hand. His hair was as white as snow, and he had light brown eyes. He sighed a lot through his heavy breathing. I knew it was my time, but I never imagined going like this. I imagined hearing his mind say. There was a long black haired woman asleep, her hands lay across her chest and her mouth hung slightly open. Soon I’ll be free. Free from this world full of pain and anger, and sin, were the thoughts that accompanied her face as she dreamed. Another, middle aged woman possibly the same as my mother looked pale and almost lifeless, but from her wandering sad eyes I was almost certain that she did not think of herself at all, but rather worried that her son would not return home from the war. Please God, not him, please keep him safe, he must live. I could hear what her thoughts must be so vividly. I could feel death watching me, coming closer and closer to me as I grew very hot and my breathing labored. Day by day my body had shut down more and more. I knew he was there, I saw the pale face blurred as he came to my bedside and watched me. I couldn’t make out his features, I was slipping into unconsciousness. My mother took a turn for the worst and the kind pale faced Dr. Cullen had taken a fondness to her. He was like a friend, and had cared for both of us well, but this epidemic was beyond his power. He seemed to know that all he could do now was watch us both die. I could just barely imagine the defeat in his thoughts; not in words as my mind was shutting down but rather in an empathic way. I felt like I was drowning. I could taste salt water coming up in my throat, and filling my lungs. I could hardly breathe. I kicked and threw my arms around but I couldn’t pull my body up to the surface of the water. I could still, barely see the blurred silhouette of Dr. Cullen. It was impossible to know whether I was dreaming, or delirious. I was probably slipping into a coma considering. The fever was raging; I was very hot although I felt like I should have been freezing. I couldn’t make out his words if he was saying anything, the world was mostly silent but faint distinct sounds wafting through the air around me, voices? I was too far out of reality to tell, or care. The salt stung my eyes with every blink until I had to close them. I felt numb, like I could no longer move, and began to fall slowly farther and farther down. There was nothing but darkness, and I felt like I didn’t exist anymore, I had no body or being. I couldn’t feel anything. I was afraid, not of death as much as that there was something missing. There was this empty space inside me, and I would never find what belonged there. That was what scared me. I don’t think anyone afraid of dying was truly afraid of death itself, but rather time, to run out of it before you are ready. That is why the elderly are usually never afraid; it’s easy for them to know that their time is short anyway. All of a sudden I could feel a pull upward. It was nothing I was doing, I felt no different than I had a few seconds ago. I was confused and considering that I was dying, I was not sure whether this was a good thing or a bad thing. But was death really a bad thing? The thing I had saw always searching for its next victim as I lie in my own death bed didn’t look like a monster. All of its victims here were suffering as the disease drowned the city, but did death really choose how it took us? Death doesn’t cause disease, disease causes death. I felt almost peaceful, I didn’t have any idea how this was happening, but I could almost feel someone or something carrying me up. I couldn’t help having just a spark of hope as I ascended higher and higher, closer to the surface. Whatever was carrying me, it made me anxious but unafraid. I tried to open my eyes; I wanted to see what was happening, what was carrying me up. But my eyes would not open; I couldn’t find the light in all the darkness. But I did all of a sudden hear something: Save him! I was sure it had been my mother’s gentle, caring, and now very horse voice. It was only an echoed whisper in my dark prison, but it was unmistakable. My body then broke the surface of the water. I was sure because I felt lighter, and finally I could see light against my eyelids. I didn’t know where I was or where the light came from but it didn’t matter. I definitely knew now that someone was carrying me, I could feel a warm gentle embrace cradling my limp body, and there was a heartbeat against my temple. I could hear the gentle sound of waves crashing and the slow even breathing of my savior. I was becoming aware and I knew that I was not back at the hospital. I felt too peaceful and light to be recovering, and in this time and during this epidemic, no one was recovering. My savior gently laid me down, and I could feel a hand stroke my forehead and slide down my cheek. The head fell against my chest for few seconds, the hair was long I felt it drop against my body like a curtain. Then I felt a pushing against my chest, both the hands pumping against my windpipe trying to help me breathe. The feeling of the fluid in my lungs began to subside. “Edward?” I heard, but I didn’t know the voice. It was almost a whisper, soft and beautiful. She then brought her lips down, I could feel her breath on my skin, and her hair fall against my neck, and pressed them against mine. Her lips felt soft and warm, and wonderful. She exhaled into me, and my lungs felt clear and strong. “Edward?” She called again and finally I could open my eyes. She was staring down at me with the most beautiful chocolate-brown eyes I’d ever seen. Her hair was long and dark, a huge contrast to her very light skin except for where red slightly shaded her cheeks. She sat beside me in a powder blue dress, and tenderly placed a hand on my cheek and smiled at me. I smiled back at her; she was so beautiful like nothing I’d ever seen before. I wondered what she was thinking, but her face didn’t tell me much except that she seemed glad to see me. Her smile made her whole face glow brighter than the moon, and being near her I felt alive. I sat up, and ran the back of my fingers gently along her cheek bone. She closed her eyes and sighed, letting her head tilt bashfully as her cheeks became redder. “Are you an angel?” I spoke to her for the first time. She leaned over and rested her head on my shoulder. “If you stay, I don’t need heaven.” She replied, and I wrapped my arms tightly around her and held her close to me. I ran my hands through her long hair, and down her back. Every part of her felt so good and I never wanted to let her go. I wanted to know what she was thinking, what she was feeling. After a few minutes she lifted her head from my shoulder and looked into my eyes. Those Chocolate brown eyes were full of wonder, and startlingly full of fear and worry. She looked like she wanted to cry. “What is it? What’s wrong?” I asked gently. I didn’t like seeing her like this; I wanted to make whatever it was go away. She leaned in and pressed her lips against mine. Then laced her hands in my hair and laid me slowly back down on the ground. I weaved one hand through her hair and pressed her close against me with the other as I kissed her passionately. You must! You must do everything in your power. What the others can not do. That is what you must do for my Edward. I could hear her breathing increase as I moved from her lips to her red cheeks, down her neck, my hand toying with the strap of her powder blue dress. Touching her I felt like I could live forever. She raised her head, breaking my concentration, and stared down at me into my eyes. But this time those eyes were glowing with hope, and love. I took her face gently in my hands, and she smiled wide and beautiful. Her heart crashed against my chest, and she breathed unevenly, anxiously. Then she was kissing me again, crushing her lips against my temple, my cheek bone, and working her way down as she massaged her hands through my hair like she was holding on to me for dear life. I’m sorry. Everything will be alright. I promise. A male whisper all of a sudden wafted right next to my ear. I believed it, I couldn’t help it; I was under her spell so I had to believe the whisper. “Can I keep you?” I asked in a whisper as her lips reached mine and I crushed my lips with hers in response. I never wanted to lose her. Suddenly I felt like I was swimming in a cold sweat, and my breathing became hard. The passion had stopped; she was hovering over me, staring down at me again. She stroked my cheek and I screamed out at the top of my lungs. Something sharp had suddenly dug into my neck, and the sky above me begun to turn dark. There was a fierce heat growing in my body, it begun bearable, but became hotter and more agonizing as my heart pumped it rapidly through my veins. The skies became darker still, not just night and day darker, or stormy cloud darker, but everything around me was being covered in blackness. My chocolate-brown eyed girl kept watching me as it took her. Blackness swirled around her beautiful face above me and her image was disappearing. “NO!” I shouted sending my arm out despite it becoming numb and limp, to reach for her. I couldn’t lose her. She didn’t fight it though; she just kept looking down at me sympathetically as she became more and more blurry and faded. I couldn’t begin to think of anything else in the world that could put a human being through so much agonizing pain and suffering. I was horrendously on fire, I felt like my heart was going to push itself through my ribs and out of my chest, and I wanted desperately to save it the trouble, to just rip it out. I was alone now, and I all of a sudden I was scared not of dying, but of living. I reached out metaphorically because I couldn’t feel my body to move my arms to the blackness, summoning it closer and closer like a helpless infant wordlessly summoning for it’s mother’s arms and her comfort. I wanted it to take me where ever it had taken my chocolate-brown eyed girl. The way she made me feel, I could understand why life was worth it, and why people were so afraid when theirs was over. Nothing else mattered to me anymore but being near that girl, touching her, holding her in my arms, and protecting her. It was so quick, I was buried in the blackness in the blink of an eye, and I knew that she was gone forever. There was nothing but…nothing. I felt like I was in a state of non-existence, except the fiery pain was still there. The fire was nothing compared to the agony that I felt from losing her. If I couldn’t see her again I wanted to die, I wanted to kill myself rather than live another second in this agony. The illness that took so many in Chicago was peaceful and comforting compared to this. Usually from what I saw patients just slipped into unconsciousness and never came out. Even the brave men who were being killed defending our country in the war, getting their organs blown out couldn’t be suffering this much. Why was I the only one feeling this endless pain, why did it choose me and no one else? Once you are dead you don’t really need time. I had not had any sense of time for while. I had no idea how many hours, days, weeks, or years had passed me by, but everything started to change, something strange was happening. Actually a lot of strange things were happening all at once. First of all I became aware of time again, which was how I knew I was not dead. Then not only did I begin to feel my body again, so I could move my limbs but I could feel my body becoming stronger. The fire was still there and had not shrunk at all, but somehow I found my thoughts becoming clearer so I was able to concentrate away from it. I could hear my low even breathes vividly. None of this made any sense, then again what about this experience did? My mind began to explore something as it got clearer and more alert; maybe I was being reincarnated. It made some sense especially when considering the dramatic change in my condition, I was dying and now I was getting stronger possibly because I was settling into a new life. It would explain the blackness, and why I had felt so helpless. But then the fire, and more importantly the fact that I was still feeling it and it was just as painful even while I was getting stronger didn’t fit with the idea. It seemed like an ironic thought when all of a sudden my heart took off at an inhuman speed, to the point where it vibrated against my ribs causing the fire to grip and constrict my chest. Every breath was hard and painful, I could feel my chest heaving and my heart felt like a bomb that was going to explode at any moment. I had that agonizing feeling again of wanting to rip my heart from my chest and just die as quickly as possible. Obviously anyone who knows what death feels like can’t tell the tale, but I never imagined that feeling stronger was a part of dying. But I knew for sure that these were my last moments of life, they had to be no heart can survive at this rate it was like a speed that didn’t exist yet, like the speed of thunder and lightning that came before you could even give it a thought. The lightning had struck, and I waited now for the thunder. I could almost hear the booming crash my heart would make when it exploded, and how I would not even have a chance to think before it happened to give the world and life a last thought and wonder where I would go. I couldn’t help being so creative and comparative when considering this despite where I was, that was how clear my mind was working now. It almost came up with this stuff automatically without consulting me. It was oddly comforting in the terrifying moment when my heart surprised me; It did not explode at all but rather almost skidded to a stop, sputtered about three last hard thumps and then didn’t move anymore. For some reason it was an impulse to wait for it to start again, but after what seemed like about two minutes, nothing. It was over, the pain, the agony, it was finally over. Nothing else but the freedom mattered…until I opened my eyes. Everything before the fire had consumed me was all a blur, my mother her face unclear, lying in the hospital with an illness that should have killed me as it had so many others, raging war that I had craved to be a part of. These were all the memories I had; it was all more like a dream than memories, distant and in fragments. All I had now was the present, and a face I did not recognize; The pale white skin of a corpse, a breath that came and went, but a heart that did not move, and monstrous crimson red irises. And a burn in my throat, a thirst for something I had never thirsted for before. I was not the only one that was different now; there was a new side to Dr. Carlisle Cullen. I had never really known the guy before so I really didn’t have an initial opinion of him except that he had a very kind and gentle bedside manner when he had taken care of my mother and me. He had just been a simple kindly doctor. But now I knew that behind his healing hand he had hid something, that he wasn’t human. “Wha…what did you do to me!?” I choked out but I did not recognize the voice that flowed so smoothly and velvety from my lips. It wasn’t my voice. I had to double back a gaze at the mirror on the wall to check my identity. The pale monstrous eyed face that met my gaze for the second time was my face, but it wasn’t. I wanted to be angry with Dr. Cullen; he had kidnapped me from the morgue, brought me to his home and turned me into a walking corpse. I was like Frankenstein’s monster because of him, but I could see in his face from the moment I had opened my eyes that he didn’t enjoy this anymore than me. Then a memory flashed very vaguely in my mind: Save him! He told me he hadn’t wanted to do what he did, the difficulty of it, but apparently I was worth it. As I had went through that complete hell I couldn’t imagine that anything could be worse, but now I see that inflicting such agony possibly was. I couldn’t imagine what it must have been like to watch me suffer from what he had done. Especially without knowing what would happen, if he would get the desired results or if all my pain would be in vein. What about both? I was afraid of myself and especially of my burning thirst; I knew what it was that I craved and it was repulsive and unholy. I was out of control, and disoriented, my body and my senses were different now, stronger and I had no idea how to use them or how to shut off the autopilot. Everything around me was so vivid; the smells, the sounds, and even the sights. Early nightfall didn’t look very dark to me; it was like I could see through the darkness like a curtain. It was the perfect and smartest time of night to commit a sin. The city was almost empty, few roaming and quiet to the normal ear but I could hear every specific sound down to the footsteps of an insect. So naturally there was another unheard and deadly sound my new ears could hear clearly, the trigger for my monstrous insanity…a heartbeat. That was it, the burn in my throat pulsed with pleasure as I stood in the dark city unaffected by the bitter cold breeze listening and watching the lone figure of the young woman so innocent. There was nothing else in the world at that moment, the pleading doctor urging me to take control fell silent; I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t find any control within me, I wanted her too badly. The sound of her heart and her smell attracted me so strongly completely overriding my disgust of the idea. My pupils dilated as I went into hunter’s mode, yet another new discovery, and launched myself at her at a speed no human would ever even consider existed and had her pinned to the ground in literally a second. I dug my teeth into her neck before she could scream and sucked like a nursing infant. I groaned with pleasure as I felt the warm blood pour down my aching throat, soothing the burn. It didn’t take long for the burn of my thirst to be replaced with the ache of my heart at the realization of what I had done as I lifted my head and immediately became face to lifeless wide open face with my prey. I had just committed murder. Her blood was literally on my hands and I could feel it drip from my mouth and down my neck. I buried my shameful face in those blood soiled hands, sobbing except there was only the dry heaves of my breath and the sounds but not the tears that went with them. The doctor had said the beginning wasn’t easy, but truly was any of it, any of this!? All of a sudden I had to admire the man who had brought me into this life. Was it not the same vicious attack that turned me into this horrible beast? How did he do it? How was it not me drained of life on the ground instead of that woman? She was not my last victim. My theory had not been completely incorrect; I had been re-born, an excruciating rebirth into a cursed half-life. Perhaps even a spawn of Satin. The sweet smell and the sound of the heart were too much for me especially since I had to walk among it all the time. It was like dropping a chunk of meat in front of a lion yet telling him he couldn’t eat it--torture! But Carlisle was right, throughout the endless years the control did come; and with it something else, something unique. Carlisle didn’t have to talk for me to know what he was thinking, I could hear it. With the guidance of the man who became a father to me I found that I could resist the human sent if I wanted to, or block it even. I didn’t actually need to breathe, and when one doesn’t breathe one can’t smell. It didn’t make things much easier, but when my thirst was satisfied by the local wildlife it was enough. And as I learned to block a human’s sent, I learned to block their thoughts. As things started to fall into place as time passed I realized I was growing; from hideous newborn hell spawn, naive and undeveloped to mature, world’s most dangerous predator. The hideousness was the same; just because I had learned made me no less of what I was and no less dangerous. Not long after Carlisle had taken me in, I had a mother again. Later came two more dying teenagers and two rouges. That was when my new life truly began, when I went from Edward Mason Jr. to Edward Cullen, part of a family again and I could resist the sent of human blood so that I could live as one to the possible extent. By the end of the 20th century the only thing standing between me and true humanity besides my diet, and my sins was my frozen being. I was a 107 year old elderly man who should be dead. The average male human being was determined in these times to live to his seventies, and yet I still walked the earth in the shell of the seventeen year old war bound boy right at his peak of becoming a man that I should have died in beside my mother. That won’t change…I won’t ever change. I was wrong. Everyone in this small town we dwelled in now had spoken of it…of her. A curtain of wavy dark hair highly contrasted pale white skin, almost matching mine…and her eyes…brown like chocolate. The moment I laid eyes on her in the lunch room I knew I had been wrong, because right then and there I changed. She was different; quite and bashful, she seemed smothered by the attention, lost even. She was surrounded by people and yet she seemed all alone. She was frustrating; I heard from her mind something I have never heard before in my impossible years, silence. The rules were broken, her fragile being in danger every time the vivid sent I have never smelled before wafted around me tying me up viciously. But it didn’t matter; she was always still there the next day in the same chair in biology beside me, the most beautiful creature to ever be created. Of all my sins she may have been my most unforgivable, my worst; a demon falling in love with an angel a sin no bible has ever thought of. But I needed her, I needed to love her and I would make sure I would never lose her. When she came into my life I felt a completion I had thought I had already had, like I had finally found something I had literally spent a lifetime searching for. I felt it every time I looked into those chocolate-brown eyes. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited for you.” - Edward Cullen, Twilight Movie.
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| If I Never Knew You |
[02 Jan 2009|06:05pm] |
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Here is the Twilight banner I mentioned working on with the song 'If I Never Knew You'.
![[image]](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v140/angel624/Twilight/IfINeverKnewYou2.jpg)
Man this was one buttmunch of a banner to get right especially because it was hard leaving lines out since the whole fricking song is so perfect. I think I finally got it decent and meaningful though.
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thewolfsmoon's journal
good
what I call drawings with images. It means I got this nice image in my head that I would draw if I could draw people worth crap but since I can't I used screencaps and made it on photoshop.
![[image]](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v140/angel624/Twilight/StillnessofHeartbanner.jpg)